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Tag: Mark Twain

Famous Quotes and Sayings

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There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. – Albert Einstein

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. – Helen Keller

He who knows others is wise. He who knows himself is enlightened. – Lao Tzu

Happiness depends upon ourselves. – Aristotle

Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth. – John F. Kennedy

People only see what they are prepared to see. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans. – John Lennon

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. – Judy Garland

We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing. – George Bernard Shaw

It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so. – Mark Twain

All things share the same breath – the beast, the tree, the man… the air shares its spirit with all the life it supports. – Chief Seattle

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. – Mother Teresa

Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase. – Martin Luther King, Jr.

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. – Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter. – Marlene Dietrich

Life is without meaning. You bring the meaning to it. The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be. Being alive is the meaning. – Joseph Campbell

What we think, we become. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world. – The Buddha

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t. – Erica Jong

The best things in life are free. – Anonymous

Attitude is everything. – Anonymous

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.- Anonymous

Life is what you make of it. – Anonymous

Where there is a will, there is a way. – Anonymous

Every cloud has a silver lining. – Anonymous

Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation. – Dale Carnegie

Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. – Oscar Wilde

Funny Quotes to make you laugh

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Men are like steel; both are worthless when they loose their temper. — Source Unknown

What if “the hokey pokey” is REALLY what it’s all about? — Curtis Spencer

We are the people our parents warned us about. — Jimmy Buffett

Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them…well, I have others. — Groucho Marx

The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don’t know what I’m doing, someone else does. — Source Unknown

USA Today has come out with a new survey-apparently, three out of every four people make up 75 percent of the population. — Dave Letterman

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R’s only one begins with an R. — Dennis Miller

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. — Albert Einstein

Hain’t we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain’t that a big enough majority in any town? — Mark Twain

A good metaphor is something even the police should keep an eye on. — G. C. Lichtenberg

I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces. — Mark Twain

Although it is generally known, I think it’s about time to announce that I was born at a very early age. — Groucho Marx

I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I’m in the wrong building. — Charles Shulz

Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness. — Ambrose Bierce

I adore political parties. They are the only place left to us where people don’t talk politics. — Oscar Wilde

Plagiarists at least have the quality of preservation. — Benjamin Disraeli

I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers. — Mahatma Gandhi

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy — the mother. — Claudette Colbert

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments. — Flip Wilson

I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them. — Mark Twain

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. What do you mean? responded her mother. Well, she went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another. — Source Unknown

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you. — Groucho Marx

The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things that ain’t so. — Mark Twain

He has not a single redeeming defect. — Benjamin Disraeli

When you get to my age life seems little more than one long march to and from the lavatory. — John Mortimer

Last night the creative juices were flowing but today I am merely a vast wasteland of random thoughts. — Peckeroy

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it. — Groucho Marx

In Mexico an air conditioner is called a politician because it makes a lot of noise but doesn’t work very well. — Len Deighton

My sole inspiration is a telephone call from a director. — Cole Porter

He believes that marriage and a career don’t mix. So after the wedding he plans to quit his job. — Source Unknown

Education Quotes

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# “I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.” — Edith Ann, [Lily Tomlin]

# “You teach best what you most need to learn.” — Richard David Bach

# A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimensions. – Anonymous

# A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep. – Anonymous

# A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students. – John Ciardi

# A university professor set an examination question in which he asked what is the difference between ignorance and apathy. The professor had to give an A+ to a student who answered: I don’t know and I don’t care. – Richard Pratt, Pacific Computer Weekly, 20 July 1990

# “Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.” — (Louis) Hector Berlioz

# Academy: A modern school where football is taught. – Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) – The Devil’s Dictionary, 1911

# An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a narrow field. – Niels Bohr (1885-1962)

# Education … has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading. – G. M. Trevelyan

# Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices. – Laurence J. Peter

# An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less. – Nicholas Murray Butler

# Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance. – Will Durant

# Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school. – Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

# Experience is a good school, but the fees are high. – Heinrich Heine

# Experience is a great advantage. The problem is that when you get the experience, you’re too damned old to do anything about it. – Jimmy Connors

# Experience is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you. – Aldous Huxley

# “Who dares to teach must never cease to learn.” – John Cotton Dana

# “A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.” – Henry Brooks Adams

# “What we want is to see the child in pursuit of knowledge, and not knowledge in pursuit of the child.” –George Bernard Shaw

# “Good teachers are those who know how little they know. Bad teachers are those who think they know more than they don’t know.” – R. Verdi

# “Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.”
— Perelman

# “Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.” – Albert Einstein

# “I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.” – Mark Twain

# “Education is not the answer to the question. Education is the means to the answer to all questions.” – William Allin

# “Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward.” – Vernon Law

# “I may have said the same thing before… But my explanation, I am sure, will always be different.” – Oscar Wilde

# “Anyone can steer the ship when the sea is calm.” – Publilius Syrus

Short Funny Quotes

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“When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car” – Anonymous

“I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.” – Anonymous

“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.” – Dean Martin

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” – Anonymous

“I’m not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I’m not dumb. I also know I’m not blonde.” – Dolly Parton

“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.” – Yogi Berra

“I’m in no condition to drive…wait! I shouldn’t listen to myself, I’m drunk!” – Homer Simpson

“If at first you do not succeed, then skydiving is surely not meant for you.” – Anonymous

“A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.” – Bill Cosby

“Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.” – Anonymous

“Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.” – Jerry Seinfeld

“Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.” – Anonymous

“Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.” – Anonymous

“I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.” – Elayne Boosler

“To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I’ve done it a thousand times.” – Mark Twain

“My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.” – Paul Getty

“If at first you don’t succeed, order pizza.” – Anonymous

“Hard work never hurt anyone, but why take the chance.” – Anonymous

“Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.” – Albert Einstein

“I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you.”” – Anonymous

“Dogs have Owners, Cats have Staff.” – Anonymous

“Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.” – Anonymous

“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”- Anonymous

“Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.” – Benny Hill

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

Top 15 Inspirational Quotes

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1. If you can dream it, you can do it. Always remember that this whole thing was started with a dream and a mouse. –Walt Disney

2. A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone. – Henry David Thoreau

3. What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

4. A thinker sees his own actions as experiments and questions-as attempts to find out something. Success and failure are for him answers above all. – Friedrich Nietzsche

5. Out of clutter, find simplicity. From discord, find harmony. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. – Albert Einstein

6. Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it. – Mahatma Gandhi

7. Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it’s time to pause and reflect- Mark Twain

8. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. – Mark Twain

9. The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them. – Robert Frost

10. Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life – think of it, dream of it, live on idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success. – Swami Vivekananda

11. I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else- Winston Churchill

12. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit. – Aristotle

13. Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything.-Napoleon Hill

14. In any situation, the best thing you can do is the right thing; the next best thing you can do is the wrong thing; the worst thing you can do is nothing.-Theodore Roosevelt

15. Remember that happiness is a way of travel, not a destination.-Roy Goodman

Bonus:

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face. –Eleanor Roosevelt

Philosophy Quotes

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“The biggest cause of trouble in the world today is that the stupid people are so sure about things and the intelligent folks are so full of doubts.” – Bertrand Russell

“Whenever people agree with me I feel I must be wrong.” – Oscar Wilde

“Some people drown, that’s all. It’s not fair but it happens. Some people drown.” – Stephen King, Stand By Me

“You can get much farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.” – Al Capone

“Heresy is another word for freedom of thought.” – Graham Greene

“Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.” – Sigmund Freud

“A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.” – Mark Twain

“In the long run we are all dead.” – John Maynard Keynes

“The grass is always greener in a cemetary.” – Amanda Gonzalez

“An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience.” – Donald R. Perry Marquis

Lies Quotes

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Liars when they speak the truth are not believed. – Aristotle

Gradually I came to realize that people will more readily swallow lies than truth, as if the taste of lies was homey, appetizing: a habit. – Martha Gellhorn

Lying is like alcoholism. You are always recovering. – Steven Soderbergh

If you do not wish to be lied to, do not ask questions. If there were no questions, there would be no lies. – B. Traven

Never forget that a half truth is a whole lie. – Author Unknown

A lie can run around the world before the truth can get it’s boots on. – James Watt

If you wish to strengthen a lie, mix a little truth in with it. – Zohar

Lying increases the creative faculties, expands the ego, and lessens the frictions of social contacts. – Clare Booth Luce

Repetition does not transform a lie into a truth. – Franklin D. Roosevelt

Ambition drove many men to become false; to have one thought locked in the breast, another ready on the tongue. – Sallust

Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well. – Samuel Butler

Please don’t lie to me, unless you’re absolutely sure I’ll never find out the truth. – Ashleigh Brilliant

He who foretells the future lies, even if he tells the truth. – Arabian Proverb

Lies that build are better than truths that destroy. – Senegalese Proverb

Falsehood is invariably the child of fear in one form or another. – Aleister Crowley

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way. – Samuel Butler

The visionary lies to himself, the liar only to others. – Friedrich Nietzsche

All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it. – H. L. Mencken

It is always the best policy to speak the truth–unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar. – Jerome K. Jerome

A lie told often enough becomes the truth. – Lenin

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. – Mark Twain

Every violation of truth is not only a sort of suicide in the liar, but is a stab at the health of human society. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

If a lie is repeated often enough all the dumb jackasses in the world not only get to believe it, they even swear by it. – Billy Boy Franklin

The history of our race, and each individual’s experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal. – Mark Twain

Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. – Saki

Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practise to deceive! – Sir Walter Scott

Truly, to tell lies is not honorable;
but when the truth entails tremendous ruin,
To speak dishonorably is pardonable. – Sophocles

A mind conscious of innocence laughs at the lies of rumor. – Latin Proverb

That’s not a lie, it’s a terminological inexactitude. Also, a tactical misrepresentation. – Alexander Haig

False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil. – Plato

A liar should have a good memory. – Quintilian

Liars need to have good memories. – Algernon Sidney

Mark Twain Quotes #7

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It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.

In religion and politics, people’s beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination.

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.

The man who doesn’t read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.

Wisdom teaches us that none but birds should go out early, and that not even birds should do it unless they are out of worms.

Sane and intelligent human beings are like all other human beings, and carefully and cautiously and diligently conceal their private real opinions from the world and give out fictitious ones in their stead for general consumption.

It is not in the least likely that any life has ever been lived which was not a failure in the secret judgment of the person who lived it.

Of all the creatures that were made, man is the most detestable. Of the entire brood he is the only one–the solitary one–that possesses malice. That is the basest of all instincts, passions, vices–the most hateful. He is the only creature that has pain for sport, knowing it to be pain. Also–in all the list he is the only creature that has a nasty mind.

Humanity has unquestionably one really effective weapon—laughter. Power, money, persuasion, supplication, persecution—these can lift at a colossal humbug—push it a little—weaken it a little, century by century; but only laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.

Nothing is so ignorant as a man’s left hand, except a lady’s watch.

The older we grow the greater becomes our wonder at how much ignorance one can contain without bursting one’s clothes.

Indecency, vulgarity, obscenity–these are strictly confined to man; he invented them. Among the higher animals there is no trace of them.

In morals, conduct, and beliefs we take the color of our environment and associations, and it is a color that can be safely warranted to wash.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

His ignorance covered the whole earth like a blanket, and there was hardly a hole in it anywhere.

Well enough for old folks to rise early, because they have done so many mean things all their lives they can’t sleep anyhow.

Never refuse to do a kindness unless the act would work great injury to yourself, and never refuse to take a drink- under any circumstances.

You can’t reach old age by another man’s road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you.

All right, then, I’ll go to hell.

Mark Twain Quotes #6

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When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.

Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old.

An enemy can partly ruin a man, but it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and make it perfect.

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Our opinions do not really blossom into fruition until we have expressed them to someone else.

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment.

I am not one of those who in expressing opinions confine themselves to facts.

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.

He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it – namely, that in order to make a man or a boy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to obtain.

Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.

Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

The history of our race, and each individual’s experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal.

A human being has a natural desire to have more of a good thing than he needs.

The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession, what there is of it.

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.

It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you: the one to slander you, and the other to get the news to you.

Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to.

There are several good protections against temptations, but the surest is cowardice.

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.