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Mark Twain Sarcastic Quotes

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“We have the best government that money can buy.”

“Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.”

“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.”

“I never let schooling interfere with my education.”

“I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.”

“Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.”

“Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.”

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

Famous Quotes by Women

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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. – Marianne Williamson

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage. – Anaïs Nin

Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are. – Marianne Williamson

Don’t let one cloud obliterate the whole sky. – Anaïs Nin

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed it is the only thing that ever has. – Margaret Mead

We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are. – Anaïs Nin

He who believes is strong; he who doubts is weak. Strong convictions precede great actions. – Louisa May Alcott

One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar. – Helen Keller

You must do the things you think you cannot do. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world. – Helen Keller

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. – Anne Frank

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. – Helen Keller

When you cease to make a contribution, you begin to die. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties. – Helen Keller

It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter. – Marlene Dietrich

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. – Helen Keller

If you judge people, you have no time to love them. – Mother Teresa

The marvelous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were no limitations to overcome. – Helen Keller

Peace begins with a smile. – Mother Teresa

Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties. – Helen Keller

Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty. – Mother Teresa

True happiness… is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose. – Helen Keller

Let us not be satisfied with just giving money. Money is not enough, money can be got, but they need your hearts to love them. So, spread your love everywhere you go. – Mother Teresa

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. – Helen Keller

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. – Helen Keller

I’m not afraid of storms for I’m learning how to sail my ship. – Louisa May Alcott

Dreams are necessary to life. – Anais Nin

Science may have found a cure for most evils; but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all — the apathy of human beings. – Helen Keller

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. – Anaïs Nin

You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best that you have to give. – Eleanor Roosevelt

It is never too late to be what you might have been. – George Eliot [George Eliot was the pen name of English novelist Mary Anne Evans (1819-1880)]

People living deeply have no fear of death. – Anaïs Nin

It is our choices … that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. – J. K. Rowling (Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets)

Never allow a person to tell you No who doesn’t have the power to say Yes. – Eleanor Roosevelt

When we blindly adopt a religion, a political system, a literary dogma, we become automatons. We cease to grow. – Anaïs Nin

Business & Money Quotes

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Experience taught me a few things. One is to listen to your gut, no matter how good something sounds on paper. The second is that you’re generally better off sticking with what you know. And the third is that sometimes your best investments are the ones you don’t make. – Donald Trump

If you’re interested in ‘balancing’ work and pleasure, stop trying to balance them. Instead make your work more pleasurable. – Donald Trump

I have yet to find the man, however exalted his station, who did not do better work and put forth greater effort under a spirit of approval than under a spirit of criticism. – Charles Schwab

I know of nothing more despicable and pathetic than a man who devotes all the hours of the waking day to the making of money for money’s sake. – John D. Rockfeller

I would rather earn 1% off a 100 people’s efforts than 100% of my own efforts. – John D. Rockfeller

If your only goal is to become rich, you will never achieve it. – John D. Rockfeller

The only question with wealth is, what do you do with it? – John D. Rockfeller

Don’t worry, be crappy. Revolutionary means you ship and then test… Lots of things made the first Mac in 1984 a piece of crap – but it was a revolutionary piece of crap. – Guy Kawasaki

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.  – Bill Gates

I believe that if you show people the problems and you show them the solutions they will be moved to act. – Bill Gates

If you can’t make it good, at least make it look good. – Bill Gates

Technology is just a tool. In terms of getting the kids working together and motivating them, the teacher is the most important. – Bill Gates

Until we’re educating every kid in a fantastic way, until every inner city is cleaned up, there is no shortage of things to do. – Bill Gates

A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business. – Henry Ford

A market is never saturated with a good product, but it is very quickly saturated with a bad one. – Henry Ford

If money is your hope for independence you will never have it. The only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability. – Henry Ford

Most people spend more time and energy going around problems than in trying to solve them. – Henry Ford

Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs. – Henry Ford

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal. – Henry Ford

The competitor to be feared is one who never bothers about you at all, but goes on making his own business better all the time. – Henry Ford

Wealth, like happiness, is never attained when sought after directly. It comes as a by-product of providing a useful service. – Henry Ford

Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning. – Bill Gates

It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you’ll do things differently. – Warren Buffet

It’s better to hang out with people better than you. Pick out associates whose behavior is better than yours and you’ll drift in that direction. – Warren Buffet

Of the billionaires I have known, money just brings out the basic traits in them. If they were jerks before they had money, they are simply jerks with a billion dollars. – Warren Buffet

Time is the friend of the wonderful company, the enemy of the mediocre. – Warren Buffet

No man will make a great leader who wants to do it all himself or get all the credit for doing it. – Andrew Carnegie

Concentrate your energies, your thoughts and your capital. The wise man puts all his eggs in one basket and watches the basket. – Andrew Carnegie

Dale Earnhardt Jr Quotes

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“There’s some sorta big bar-be-que goin’ on here in turn three. There’s smoke all over the track! Some fan’s got a big one goin’ on.”

“I felt like the track came to us, but then it went beyond us.”

“Find me a safe place where I can spin out!”

“I don’t think I can adequately express my feelings about the car on national radio, but hopefully we’ll get better and I’ll be happier later on…”

“Fame is a lot of fun. Fame gets you to boxing matches, football games and cool stuff.”

“Whether it was fair or not, he’ll still need extra security.” – on the crowd’s reaction after Kyle Busch spun him

“We’ll find something else to run into each other with if it ain’t the front bumper.”

“They can change the bumpers and stuff and we’ll still run into each other because that’s what we do.”

“That is what they pay us the big money for.”

“It’d be fun if we could run farther apart, but that’s not going to sell many tickets.”

“In what other sport do you get a 15-second break every hour?”

“Years ago, you used to get out and fight and run around and chase each other with a jackhammer and stuff like that. Those were the good ol’ days.”

Famous Money Quotes

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“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” – Mark Twain

“I will tell you how to become rich. Close the doors. Be fearful when others are greedy. Be greedy when others are fearful.” – Warren Buffet

“A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.” – Robert Frost

“Money won’t create success. The freedom to make it will.” – Nelson Mandela

“Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the ‘gotta have it’ scale.” – Zig Ziglar

“Time is money.” – Benjamin Franklin

“If you’re given a choice between money and sex appeal, take the money. As you get older, the money will become your sex appeal.” – Katherine Hepburn

“It is the wretchedness of being rich that you have to live with rich people.” – Logan Pearsall Smith

“The only way not to think about money is to have a great deal of it.” – Edith Wharton

“I think that much of the advice given to young men about saving money is wrong. I never saved a cent until I was forty years old. I invested in myself – in study, in mastering my tools, in preparation. Many a man who is putting a few dollars a week into the bank would do much better to put it into himself.” – Henry Ford

J. D. Salinger Quotes

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– “All morons hate it when you call them a moron.”

– “An artist’s only concern is to shoot for some kind of perfection, and on his own terms, not anyone else’s.”

– “Goddam money. It always ends up making you blue as hell.”

– “He had a theory, Walt did, that the religious life, and all the agony that goes with it, is just something God sics on people who have the gall to accuse Him of having created an ugly world.”

– “How do you know you’re going to do something, untill you do it?”

– “How long should a man’s legs be? Long enough to touch the ground.”

– “I am a kind of paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.”

– “I don’t even like old cars. I’d rather have a goddam horse. A horse is at least human, for God’s sake.”

– “I don’t exactly know what I mean by that, but I mean it.”

– “I was about half in love with her by the time we sat down. That’s the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty… you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are.”

– “I’m quite illiterate, but I read a lot.”

– “I’m sick of just liking people. I wish to God I could meet somebody I could respect.”

– “I’m sick of not having the courage to be an absolute nobody.”

– “I’m the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life.”

– “If a girl looks swell when she meets you, who gives a damn if she’s late? Nobody.”

– “It was a very stupid thing to do, I’ll admit, but I hardly didn’t even know I was doing it.”

– “It’s funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they’ll do practically anything you want them to.”

– “Its really hard to be roommates with people if your suitcases are much better than theirs.”

– “Mothers are all slightly insane.”

– “People never believe you.”

Don Adams Quotes

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– “I am a quick study – I can memorize a script in an hour – but I can’t remember a name three seconds. I’ve even forgotten my wife’s name on occasion.”
– “I did movie star impressions as a kid in high school. Somehow they just got out of hand.”
– “I like getting married, but I don’t like being married.”
– “I was married awfully young and I felt trapped. My wife had been divorced and all the time we were married we were out of the Church. It wasn’t until we were divorced that we became good Catholics again.”

– “I’ve been paying alimony since I was 14 and child support since 15. That’s a joke, but not by much.”

– “It was a special show that became a cult classic of sorts, and I made a lot of money for it.”

– “Maxwell is serious, dedicated, awkward, forgetful, pompous to a certain degree, sentimental.”

– “Sometimes I wonder how I got into comedy at all.”

Steve Martin Humorous Quotes

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steve_martin_photo– “Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.” – Steve Martin
– “I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.” – Steve Martin
– “I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal – high enough so you can look up her dress.” – Steve Martin
– “I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.” – Steve Martin
– “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin
– “Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.” – Steve Martin

– “A celebrity is anyone who looks like he spends more than two hours working on his hair.” – Steve Martin

– “You know “that look” women get when they want sex? Me neither.” – Steve Martin

– “I believe in eight of the ten commandments; and I believe in going to church every Sunday unless there’s a game on.” – Steve Martin

– “There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.” – Steve Martin

– “There are some people that will not pick up a phone and call you, but if you knock on a door and talk to them, they’ll talk back to you.” – Steve Martin

– “College totally changed my life. It changed what I believe and what I think about everything. I majored in philosophy.” – Steve Martin

– “I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.” – Steve Martin

– “I believe entertainment can aspire to be art, and can become art, but if you set out to make art you’re an idiot.” – Steve Martin

– “We’ve had some fun tonight…considering we’re all gonna die someday.” – Steve Martin