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April Fool’s Day Quotes

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April Fool’s Day is here. Let’s celebrate it with some useful April Fool’s Day Quotes.

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four. ~Mark Twain, Pudd’nhead Wilson, 1894

April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly. ~Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. ~Chinese Proverb

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee,
And I’ll forgive Thy great big one on me. ~Robert Frost, “Cluster of Faith,” 1962

He who is born a fool is never cured. ~Proverb

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. ~Mark Twain

If every fool wore a crown, we should all be kings. ~Welsh Proverb

I hope life isn’t a big joke, because I don’t get it. ~Jack Handey

We’re fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~Japanese Proverb

You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time. ~Abraham Lincoln

Even the gods love jokes. ~Plato

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected. ~Will Rogers

A man always blames the woman who fools him. In the same way he blames the door he walks into in the dark. ~Henry Louis Mencken

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. ~Douglas Adams

It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor. ~Max Eastman

Don’t give cherries to pigs or advice to fools. ~Irish Proverb

A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke-and that the joke is oneself. ~Clifton Paul Fadiman

It is better to weep with wise men than to laugh with fools. ~Spanish Proverb

I have great faith in fools – self-confidence, my friends call it. ~Edgar Allan Poe

The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded. ~George Orwell

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke? ~Rita Rudner

Suppose the world were only one of God’s jokes, would you work any the less to make it a good joke instead of a bad one? ~George Bernard Shaw

Real friends are those who, when you feel you’ve made a fool of yourself, don’t feel you’ve done a permanent job. ~Author Unknown

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. “Oh, no,” I said. “Disneyland burned down.” He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late. ~Jack Handey

Confidence Quotes

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Happiness is always knocking on your door, you just gotta let it in.

It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to.

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes.

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. – Eleanor Roosevelt

It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.

Success comes in cans, not cant’s.

Put your future in good hands – your own.

I am not a has-been. I am a will be.

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.

Argue for your limitations and, sure enough, they’re yours.

You have to expect things of yourself before you can do them.

Always act like you’re wearing an invisible crown.

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You’re on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the guy who’ll decide where to go. –Dr. Seuss

Knock the “t” off the “can’t.”

Confidence is preparation. Everything else is beyond your control.

Lend yourself to others, but give yourself to yourself.

Don’t let anyone steal your dream. It’s your dream, not theirs.

The best way to gain self-confidence is to do what you are afraid to do.

I’m Never The Less; Always The MORE!

I’m the Best You NEVER Had.

I’m the Best to Ever Do It Bitch & You the Best At Never Doing Shit!

Lend yourself to others, but give yourself to yourself.

Birthday Quotes

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Celebrate your birthday with a great portion of enjoyable birthday quotes.

“Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.” –Samuel Ullman

“At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At 40, we don’t care what they think of us. At 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all.” –Ann Landers

“Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had, and what you’ve learned from them, and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.” –Unknown

“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” –Abraham Lincoln

“It takes a long time to grow young.” –Pablo Picasso

“We turn not older with years, but newer every day.” – Emily Dickinson

“One of the signs of passing youth is the birth of a sense of fellowship with other human beings as we take our place among them.” –Virginia Woolf

“May you live all the days of your life.” –Jonathan Swift

“Old people are fond of giving good advice; it consoles them for no longer being capable of setting a bad example.” –Francois De La Rochefoucauld

“Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.” –Caryn Leschen

“The follies which a man regrets most in his life are those which he didn’t commit when he had the opportunity.” – Helen Rowland

“You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear; as young as your hope, as old as your despair.” –Douglas MacArthur

“Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.” –George Bernard Shaw

“Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.” –Bob Hope

“Middle age: The time when you’ll do anything to feel better, except give up what is hurting you.” –Robert Quillen

“Growing old is a bad habit which a busy man has no time to form.” –Andre Maurois

“You can’t turn back the clock. But you can wind it up again.” –Bonnie Prudden

“In spite of illness, in spite even of the archenemy sorrow, one can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things, and happy in small ways.” –Edith Wharton

“For the first half of your life, people tell you what you should do; for the second half, they tell you what you should have done.” – Richard Needham

“The years teach much which the days never knew.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

“A man’s age is something impressive, it sums up his life: maturity reached slowly and against many obstacles, illnesses cured, griefs and despairs overcome, and unconscious risks taken; maturity formed through so many desires, hopes, regrets, forgotten things, loves. A man’s age represents a fine cargo of experiences and memories.” –Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

“There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward.” – John Mortimer

“We are happier in many ways when we are old than when we were young. The young sow wild oats. The old grow sage.” –Sir Winston Churchill

“Men are like wine: some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” –Pope John XXIII

“Though we seem grieved at the shortness of life in general, we are wishing every period of it at an end. The minor longs to be at age, then to be a man of business, then to make up an estate, then to arrive at honors, then to retire.” –Joseph Addison

“You have been warned against letting the golden hours slip by. Yes, but some of them are golden only because we let them slip by.” –James Barrie

Aging Quotes #2

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# Give me a young man in whom there is something of the old,
and an old man in whom there is something of the young.
Guided so, a man may grow old in body, but never in mind. – Marcus Tillius Cicero

# The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been. – Madeleine L’Engle (The New York Times, 1985)

# How confusing the beams from memory’s lamp are;
One day a bachelor, the next a grampa.
What is the secret of the trick?
How did I get so old so quick? – Ogden Nash (“Preface to the Past” You Can’t Get There from Here)

# I believe the second half of one’s life is meant to be better than the first half. The first half is finding out how you do it. And the second half is enjoying it. – Frances Lear

# I look forward to being older, when what you look like becomes less and less an issue and what you are is the point. – Susan Sarandon

# I suppose real old age begins when one looks backward rather than forward. – Mary Sarton (May Sarton: Excerpts from a Life)

# I think that, for all of us, as we grow older, we must discipline ourselves to continue expanding, broadening, learning, keeping our minds active and open. – Clint Eastwood

# I was wise enough to never grow up while fooling most people into believing I had. – Margaret Mead

# If wrinkles must be written upon our brows, let them not be written upon the heart. The spirit should never grow old. – James A. Garfield

# If you don’t learn to laugh at troubles, you won’t have anything to laugh at when you grow old. – Ed Howe

# If you wait, all that happens is that you get older. – Larry McMurty

# In old age there is a coming into flower. My body wanes; my mind waxes. – Victor Hugo

# Maturity is a bitter disappointment for which no remedy exists, unless laughter could be said to remedy anything. – Kurt Vonnegut

# My after forty face felt far more comfortable than anything I lived with previously. Self-confidence was a powerful beauty-potion; I looked better because I felt better. Failure and grief as well as success and love had served me well. Finally, I was tapping into that most hard-won of your dews: wisdom. – Nancy Collins

# Never retire. Michelangelo was carving the Rondanini just before he died at 89. Verdi finished his opera Falstaff at 80. And the 80-year -old Spanish artist Goya scrawled on a drawing, “I am still learning.” – Dr. W. Gifford-Jones