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Competence Quotes

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Competence, like truth, beauty and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder. ~Laurence J. Peter

Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent. ~Laurence J. Peter

competence quotesEveryone rises to their level of incompetence. ~Laurence J. Peter

Incompetents invariably make trouble for people other than themselves. ~Larry McMurtry

Our all-volunteer force continues to prove itself with a great level of professionalism, personal commitment and a technical competence that is quite remarkable. ~Geoff Davis

The incompetent with nothing to do can still make a mess of it. ~Laurence J. Peter

Under-representation of women and other inequality among researchers is a problem that will not solve itself as women acquire competence. ~Tarja Halonen

Never Regret Quotes

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I leave no trace of wings in the air, but I am glad I have had my flight. – Rabindranath Tagore

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. – The Buddha

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. – Lao Tzu

Accept everything about yourself – I mean everything. You are you and that is the beginning and the end – no apologies, no regrets. – Henry Kissinger

With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Write your Sad times in Sand, Write your Good times in Stone. – George Bernard Shaw

Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened. – Anonymous

My Mama always said you’ve got to put the past behind you before you can move on. – Forrest Gump movie

I have often regretted my speech, but never my silence. – Publilius Syrus

I never regret anything. Because every little detail of your life is what made you into who you are in the end. – Drew Barrymore

Never regret anything you have done with a sincere affection; nothing is lost that is born of the heart. – Basil Rathbone

Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. – Katherine Mansfield

It’s better to regret something you did than to regret something you didn’t do. – Anonymous

Fools live to regret their words, wise men to regret their silence. – Will Henry

If you aren’t in the moment, you are either looking forward to uncertainty, or back to pain and regret. – Jim Carrey

Simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret. – don Miguel Angel Ruiz

Speak when you are angry – and you will make the best speech you’ll ever regret. – Laurence J. Peter

I only regret that I have but one life to lose for my country. – Nathan Hale

Youth is a blunder; Manhood a struggle, Old Age a regret. – Benjamin Disraeli

Regrets and recriminations only hurt your soul. – Armand Hammer

Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness. – George Sand

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. – John Barrymore

What’s done is done. – William Shakespeare

For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, “It might have been”. – John Greenleaf Whittier

He who spends time regretting the past loses the present and risks the future. – Quevedo

Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. – Oscar Wilde

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes. – Oscar Wilde

Regret is an appalling waste of energy, you can’t build on it – it’s only good for wallowing in. – Katherine Mansfield

As you grow older, you’ll find the only things you regret are the things you didn’t do. – Zachary Scott

Education Quotes

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# “I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.” — Edith Ann, [Lily Tomlin]

# “You teach best what you most need to learn.” — Richard David Bach

# A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimensions. – Anonymous

# A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep. – Anonymous

# A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students. – John Ciardi

# A university professor set an examination question in which he asked what is the difference between ignorance and apathy. The professor had to give an A+ to a student who answered: I don’t know and I don’t care. – Richard Pratt, Pacific Computer Weekly, 20 July 1990

# “Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.” — (Louis) Hector Berlioz

# Academy: A modern school where football is taught. – Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) – The Devil’s Dictionary, 1911

# An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made, in a narrow field. – Niels Bohr (1885-1962)

# Education … has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading. – G. M. Trevelyan

# Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices. – Laurence J. Peter

# An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less. – Nicholas Murray Butler

# Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance. – Will Durant

# Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school. – Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

# Experience is a good school, but the fees are high. – Heinrich Heine

# Experience is a great advantage. The problem is that when you get the experience, you’re too damned old to do anything about it. – Jimmy Connors

# Experience is not what happens to you. It is what you do with what happens to you. – Aldous Huxley

# “Who dares to teach must never cease to learn.” – John Cotton Dana

# “A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.” – Henry Brooks Adams

# “What we want is to see the child in pursuit of knowledge, and not knowledge in pursuit of the child.” –George Bernard Shaw

# “Good teachers are those who know how little they know. Bad teachers are those who think they know more than they don’t know.” – R. Verdi

# “Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.”
— Perelman

# “Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.” – Albert Einstein

# “I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.” – Mark Twain

# “Education is not the answer to the question. Education is the means to the answer to all questions.” – William Allin

# “Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward.” – Vernon Law

# “I may have said the same thing before… But my explanation, I am sure, will always be different.” – Oscar Wilde

# “Anyone can steer the ship when the sea is calm.” – Publilius Syrus

Funny Quotes

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If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style. – Quentin Crisp

If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor. – Joan Rivers

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? – Lily Tomlin

If my films make one more person miserable, I’ll feel I have done my job. – Woody Allen

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library? – Lily Tomlin

If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three. – Laurence J. Peter

If you ask me anything I don’t know, I’m not going to answer. – Yogi Berra

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first. – George Carlin

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. – Rita Rudner

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes. – Jay London

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate. – Dave Barry

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. – H. L. Mencken

Let’s reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools – and use it on the teachers. – P. J. O’Rourke

Life is hard. After all, it kills you. – Katharine Hepburn

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. – Groucho Marx

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative. – Henry A. Kissinger

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. – Woody Allen

Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him. – Marlene Dietrich

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing. – Emo Philips

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. – Mitch Hedberg

Miracles Quotes

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– “A gentle word, a kind look, a good-natured smile can work wonders and accomplish miracles.” – William Hazlitt

– “A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.” – Patricia Neal

– “After all, I don’t see why I am always asking for private, individual, selfish miracles when every year there are miracles like white dogwood.” – Anne Morrow Lindbergh

– “Also, I preached to gangs on the streets of Manhattan, Brooklyn and the Bronx – and miracles began to happen.” – David Wilkerson

– “America – It is a fabulous country, the only fabulous country; it is the only place where miracles not only happen, but where they happen all the time.” – Tom Wolfe

– “And yet you see the weakness of external evidence-and outward miracles; they were not sufficient to make true believers, or to make the Israelites believe that Jesus was their promised Messiah.” – Elias Hicks

– “Anyone who doesn’t believe in miracles is not a realist.” – David Ben-Gurion

– “As for the extraordinary operations of the Holy Ghost, such as working of miracles, or speaking with divers kinds of tongues, they are long since ceased.” – George Whitefield

– “Back of every creation, supporting it like an arch, is faith. Enthusiasm is nothing: it comes and goes. But if one believes, then miracles occur.” – Henry Miller

– “Because of my Marxism, I was not into myths or miracles, whether it was the virgin birth, the physical resurrection or casting out demons from an epileptic.” – Lionel Blue

– “Don’t believe in miracles – depend on them.” – Laurence J. Peter

– “Expectancy is the atmosphere for miracles.” – Edwin Louis Cole

– “Fertilizer does no good in a heap, but a little spread around works miracles all over.” – Richard Brinsley Sheridan

– “For those who are willing to make an effort, great miracles and wonderful treasures are in store.” – Isaac Bashevis Singer

– “God continues to work miracles in my life.” – Willie Aames

– “Good actresses can often accomplish miracles, and it is possible to be someone you’ve never been or will be. But in a sitcom, there’s no time.” – Patricia Richardson

– “Hope… is the companion of power, and the mother of success; for who so hopes has within him the gift of miracles.” – Samuel Smiles

– “How quickly we forget God’s great deliverances in our lives. How easily we take for granted the miracles he performed in our past.” – David Wilkerson

– “I am looking forward to even greater healings and miracles in my ministry.” – Benny Hinn

– “I am not embarrassed to tell you that I believe in miracles.” – Corazon Aquino

– “The most astonishing thing about miracles is that they happen.” – G.K. Chesterton

Funny Quotes

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– “My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.” – Spike Milligan

– “My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.” – Jay London

– “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.” – Ellen DeGeneres

– “My inner child is not wounded.” – Shannen Doherty

– “My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.” – Mike Myers

– “Never fight an inanimate object.” – P. J. O’Rourke

– “Never floss with a stranger.” – Joan Rivers

– “Never have more children than you have car windows.” – Erma Bombeck

– “Never raise your hand to your children – it leaves your midsection unprotected.” – Robert Orben

– “Never wear anything that panics the cat.” – P. J. O’Rourke

– “Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.” – H. L. Mencken

– “O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.” – Saint Augustine

– “Oh, the tiger will love you. There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” – George Bernard Shaw

– “Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben

– “One man’s folly is another man’s wife.” – Helen Rowland

– “Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.” – Laurence J. Peter

– “Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.” – Lewis Mumford

– “Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.” – Samuel Butler

– “Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.” – Chevy Chase

– “People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.” – Ellen DeGeneres

Quotes about Women

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– “Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.” – Bill Maher

– “A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.” – Carrie Snow

– “You start out happy that you have no hips or boobs. All of a sudden you get them, and it feels sloppy. Then just when you start liking them, they start drooping.” – Cindy Crawford

– “Every girl should use what Mother Nature gave her before Father Time takes it away.” – Laurence J. Peter

– “The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.” – Unknown

– “A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon.” – Arnold Haultain

– “Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.” – Charlotte Whitton

– “Women are always beautiful.” – Ville Valo

– “The two women exchanged the kind of glance women use when no knife is handy.” – Ellery Queen

– “Curve: The loveliest distance between two points.” – Mae West

– “Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.” – Nicole Hollander

– “Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.” – Unknown

– “Next to the wound, what women make best is the bandage.” – Jules Barbey d’Aurevilly

– “A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are.” – Chauncey Mitchell Depew

– “The rarest thing in the world is a woman who is pleased with photographs of herself.” – Elizabeth Metcalf

– “There is a special place in hell for women who do not help other women.” – Madeleine K. Albright

– “A man’s face is his autobiography. A woman’s face is her work of fiction.” – Oscar Wilde

– “There’s something luxurious about having a girl light your cigarette. In fact, I got married once on account of that.” – Harold Robbins

– “When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 a minute.” – Unknown

– “Men get laid, but women get screwed.” – Quentin Crisp

– “The most popular image of the female despite the exigencies of the clothing trade is all boobs and buttocks, a hallucinating sequence of parabolae and bulges.” – Germaine Greer

– “Whether they give or refuse, it delights women just the same to have been asked.” – Ovid

– “Howiver, I’m not denyin’ the women are foolish: God Almighty made ’em to match the men.” – George Eliot, “The Harvest Supper”, Adam Bede

– “Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn’t want to own one.” – W.C. Fields

– “Women really do rule the world. They just haven’t figured it out yet. When they do, and they will, we’re all in big big trouble.” – Doctor Leon