1. It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
2. Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.
3. Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
4. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
5. I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of wich actually happened.
6. Buy land, they’re not making it anymore.
7. Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
8. Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
9. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
10. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
1. It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
– “A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.”
– “A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”
– “Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.”
– “Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.”
– “An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven’t been done before.”
– “Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.”
– “Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”
– “By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity — another man’s I mean.”
– “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”
– “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.”
– “Do something every day that you don’t want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.”
– “Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”
– “Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.”
– “Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.”
– “Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.”
– “Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn’t.”
– “Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.”
– “Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.”
– “Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.”
– “Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it.”
– “Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.”
– “I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.”
– “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.”
– “I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.”
– “I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won’t.”
– “I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.”
– “I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”
– “I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.”
– “I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.”
Funny Clever Quotes
Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. – Groucho Marx
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. – Mark Twain
I intend to live forever, or die trying. – Groucho Marx
Familiarity breeds contempt – and children. – Mark Twain
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. – Mel Brooks
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it. – Groucho Marx
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath. – W. C. Fields
Golf is a good walk spoiled. – Mark Twain
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know. – Groucho Marx
It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog. – Mark Twain
I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying. – Oscar Wilde
It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to. – W. C. Fields
Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said. – Mel Brooks
Too clever is dumb.- Ogden Nash
Clever Quotes on Life
Life is too important to be taken seriously. – Oscar Wilde
Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do. – Benjamin Franklin
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? – Groucho Marx
Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead. – Benjamin Franklin
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted. – John Lennon
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. – Anonymous
Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment.
Cleverness is mere opinion, bewilderment is intuition. – Jalal al-Din Rumi
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again. – Robert A. Heinlein
A clever man commits no minor blunders. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. – Groucho Marx
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. – H. L. Mencken
Clever Quotes about Life
The road to success is always under construction. – Lily Tomlin
Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas. – H. L. Mencken
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile. – Albert Schweitzer
Old age is fifteen years older than I am. – Oliver Wendell Holmes
A man likes his wife to be just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness, and just stupid enough to admire it. – Israel Zangwill
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. – Isaac Asimov
Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them. – Walter Kerr
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe. – Albert Einstein
I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones. – John Peel
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! – Tom Lehrer
Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. – Tom Lehrer
If you’re alive you’ve got to flap your arms and legs, you’ve got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you’re not alive. – Mel Brooks
When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. – sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt, Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson, but…
Clever Quotes for Facebook
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. – Groucho Marx
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. – Robert Frost
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution? – H. L. Mencken
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. – H. L. Mencken
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. – H. L. Mencken
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop. – H. L. Mencken
Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull. – H. L. Mencken
Clever Sayings for Facebook
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. – Benjamin Franklin
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. – Oscar Wilde
One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. – Oscar Wilde
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. – George Burns
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache. – Mae West
Don’t let schooling interfere with your education. – Mark Twain
Be careful not to do your good deeds when there’s no one watching you. – Tom Lehrer
The lack of money is the root of all evil. – Mark Twain
A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth. – Will Rogers
To the best of my knowledge the following clever phrases are all anonymous. Come to think of it, would anyone really admit to writing any of these clever phrases?
The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming train.
I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
I love my attitude problem.
Some days you’re the dog, and some days you’re the hydrant.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Politicians and diapers need to be changed regularly, usually for the same reason.
Join the Army, travel the world, meet interesting people and kill them.
When everything comes your way you’re in the wrong lane.
Life is uncertain; always eat dessert first.
Half the people you know are below average.
Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Clever Sayings and Quotes
Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. – Mark Twain
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. – Oscar Wilde
If I had known what it would be like to have it all – I might have been willing to settle for less. – Lily Tomlin
Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. – Oscar Wilde
Get the facts first. You can distort them later. – Mark Twain
In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane. – Oscar Wilde
Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits. – Mark Twain
I can resist everything except temptation. – Oscar Wilde
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. – Mark Twain
By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, journalism keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community. – Oscar Wilde
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times. – Mark Twain
A man can’t be too careful in the choice of his enemies. – Oscar Wilde
Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it. – Mark Twain
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
Better a broken promise than none at all.
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
It is easier to stay out than get out.
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it.
If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.
A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.
Some men deserve compliments, but the only one that is welcome to a modest man is the one that is undeserved.
Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.
Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.
A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
Man – a creature made at the end of the week’s work when God was tired.
I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time.
I make it a rule never to smoke while I’m sleeping.
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.
The more you explain it, the more I don’t understand it.
* Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.
* Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you’ve never been hurt and live like it’s heaven on Earth.
* Be careless in your dress if you will, but keep a tidy soul.
* Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss SLOWLY. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile.
* The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.
* If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
* A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
* Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
* Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
* The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.
* Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
* Do something every day that you don’t want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.
* Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
* Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.
* Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
* Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
* I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.