Tag: Noel Coward

20 Humor Quotes

Posted on July 10, 2012 by

1. If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging. —Joe Martin

2. Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. —Ambrose Bierce

3. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. —Noel Coward

4. The difference between death and taxes is death doesn’t get worse every time Congress meets. —Will Rogers

5. You know you’re getting old when you stop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there. —George Burns

6. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. —Groucho Marx

7. Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.—Groucho Marx

8. Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. —Sam Levenson

9. Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum sonatur. —Unknown Author

10. The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. —Calvin Trillin

11. The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money. —David Richerby

12. My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me. —Garry Shandling

13. I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either. —Jack Benny

14. I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. —Lily Tomlin

15. If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. —Mel Brooks

16. If I only had a little humility, I’d be perfect. —Ted Turner

17. When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. —Henny Youngman

18. The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. —Groucho Marx

19. Hofstadter’s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter’s Law. —Douglas Hofstadter

20. Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger. —Franklin P. Jones

I Love Quotes

Posted on December 4, 2011December 4, 2011 by

“The question is not ‘Is there life after death?’ The question is, ‘Is there life before death?’” — Alan Cohen

“Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.” –Unknown

“All the beautiful sentiments in the world weigh less than a single lovely action.” — James Russell Lowel

“The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.” –Unknown

“Tell your boss what you think of him, and the truth shall set you free.” – Unknown

“This above all; to thine own self be true.” — William Shakespeare

“Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of congress. But I repeat myself.” — Mark Twain

“We are always getting ready to live, but never living” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The only time a woman succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.” — Natalie Wood

“I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin

“When you invest your time and energy in stuff that drags you down, you die a little bit every day.” – Alan Cohen

“The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory.” –Paul Fix

“Until you try, you don’t know what you can’t do.” –Henry James

“Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.” –Susan Erz

“Be happy while you are living, for you are a long time dead.” –Scottish Proverb

“If you’re going through Hell, keep going.” –Winston Churchill

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” –Anne Frank

“Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.” –Mark Twain

“To think you know what is best for another person is an industrial-strength ego trip.” –Alan Cohen

“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” –Noel Coward

“If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.” — Regina Brett

“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask?” — Scott Adams

“You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.” –Wayne Gretzky

“Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.” –Will Rogers

“Doing your best in this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.” –Oprah Winfrey

I love quotes, like you do. If you don’t love quotes, I don’t know what are you doing here. I’m joking, of course. You maybe like quotes and that’s all. I want to share with you all types of quotes (you can see this just by reading this site’s description). Amazing quotes are new for this blog, but I hope you love them like I do. Let’s get started.

“It is useless to hold a person to anything he says while he’s in love, drunk, or running for office.” – Shirley MacLaine

“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.” – Author Unknown

“It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.” – Mark Twain

“There is a great difference between worry and concern. A worried person sees a problem, and a concerned person solves a problem.” – Harold Stephens

“Discipline is just choosing between what you want now and what you want most.” – Author Unknown

“Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.” – Barry LePatner

“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” – Noel Coward

“There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have.” – Don Herold

“Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.” – Mark Twain

“Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see.” – Arthur Schopenhauer

Awesome, right? But that’s not all I’ve got. Today I will post two or three articles with amazing quotes. Just wait :)

Remember, if you want some quotes that you can not find here, please contact me or write an article by your own. You can be author here and you can get free backlinks for that. It’s not that hard.

Funny Sarcastic Quotes

Posted on January 27, 2011 by

“Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you a member of Congress, but I repeat myself.” – Mark Twain

“Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.” – A. B. Evans

“You don’t say civilization don’t advance – for every war they kill you a new way.” – Will Rogers

“The tongue is the only instrument that gets sharper with use.” – Colin Jarman

“Critics are the stupid who discuss the wise.” – Anonymous

“A critic is a man who writes about things he doesn’t like” – Anonymous

“I love criticism just as long as it’s unqualified praise.” – Noel Coward

“A critic is a man created to praise greater men than himself, but he is never able to find them.” – Richard Le Gallienne

“The difference between journalism and literature is that journalism is unreadable and literature is not read.” – Oscar Wilde

“When an opera singer sings her head off, she usually improves her appearance.” – Victor Borge

“The fastest way to a man’s heart is through his chest.” – Roseanne Arnold

“The power with her is that she lacks the power of conversation, but not the power of speech.” – George Bernard Shaw

“I know she is outspoken, but by who?” – Dorothy Parker

“You don’t know a woman, until you’ve met her in court.” – Norman Mailer

“Women are like elephants to me; they’re nice to look at, but I wouldn’t want to own one.” – W.C. Fields

“Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friends.” – Marcel Achard

“A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.” – Anonymous

“Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.”- Charlotte Whitton

“A man’s love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor

“Adam came first, but men always do.” – Anonymous

“If they can put one man on the moon, why can’t they put them all there?” – Anonymous

“Women have their faults. Men have only two: Everything they say. Everything they do.” – Anonymous

“Japanese are extremely good imitators and they so polite, they even copy the mistakes.” – Earl Scrugge

“If you’re gong to Paris you would do well to remember this: no matter how politely or distinctly you ask a Parisian a question he will persist in answering you in French.” – Fran Lebowits

Drinking Quotes

Posted on November 16, 2010 by

“I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.” –Homer Simpson

“People who drink light “beer” don’t like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.” –Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI.

“I’m not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.” –Noel Coward

“Drinking Light Beer is like having sex in a canoe…fucking close to water. – Unknown

“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.” –Frank Sinatra

“An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.” –Ernest Hemingway

“A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.” –W.C. Fields

“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?” –Stephen Wright

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” –Benjamin Franklin

“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.” –Dave Barry

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” –Henny Youngman

“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.” –Jack Handy

“All right, brain, I don’t like you and you don’t like me – so let’s just do this and I’ll get back to killing you with beer.” –Homer Simpson

“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.” –Dean Martin

“I drink to make other people interesting.” –George Jean Nathan

“Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.” –Dave Barry