Some of my favorite witty quotes just here, for you.
His mouth is a no-go area. It’s like kissing the Berlin Wall – Helena Bonhem Carter on Woody Allen
There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. – Henry Kissinger
He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard. – Unknown
A fellow with the inventiveness of Albert Einstien, but with the attention span of Daffy Duck. – Tom Shale on Robin Williams
If I found her floating in my pool, I’d punish my dog. – Joan Rivers on Yoko Ono
God does not play dice with the universe. – Albert Einstien
She is as wholesome as a bowl of cornflakes and at least as sexy. – Dwight McDonald on Doris Day
If you can’t convince them, confuse them. – President Harry S Truman
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. – W C Fields
He had the compassion of an icicle and the generosity of a pawnbroker. – S J Perelman on Groucho Marx
Avoid all needle drugs. The only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon. – Abbey Hoffman
Who picks your clothes – Stevie Wonder? – Don Rickles
Breasts like Granite and a brain like Swiss Cheese – Billy Wilder on Marilyn Monroe
The thief of bad gags. – Walter Winchell on Milton Berne
I’ve noticed that everyone who is for abortion has already been born – Ronald Reagan
He’s proof that there’s life after death. – Mort Sahl on Ronald Reagan
The only genius with an IQ of 60. – Gore Vidal on Andy Warhol
He’s so ugly they ought to donate his face to the world wildlife fund. – Muhammad Ali on Joe Frazier
She’s so stupid she returns bowling balls because they’ve got holes in them. – Joan Rivers on Bo Derek
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program. – Bob Wells
Can’t act. Slightly bald. Can dance a little. – Screen Tester on Fred Astaire
An empty suit that goes to funerals and plays golf. – Ross Perot on Dan Quayle
Most of the time he sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper. – Rex Reed on Marlon Brando
He could start a row in an empty house – Sir Alex Ferguson on footballer Dennis Wise
When Kissinger can get the Nobel Peace Prize, what is there left for satire? – Tom Lehrer on Henry Kissinger
Shaw writes his plays for the ages, the ages between five and twelve. – George Nathan on George Bernard Shaw
He is to acting what Liberace was to pumping iron. – Rex Reed on Sylvester Stallone
What makes him think a middle aged actor, who’s played with a chimp, could have a future in politics? – Ronald Reagan commenting on Eastwood’s bid to become mayor of Carmel
Better a witty fool than a foolish wit. – Shakespeare
As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Love all, trust few, do wrong to none. – William Shakespeare
Trust is like a paper. Once it’s crumpled, it can’t be perfect again.
A relationship without trust is like a car without gas, you can stay in it all you want, but it won’t go anywhere.
To be trusted is a greater compliment than to be love. – George MacDonald
