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Stay positive Inspirational Quotes

stay positiveBe happy in front of people who don’t like you. It kills them.

be honest with the people who love youBe honest with the people who love you. They deserve your honesty.

you can't have a positive lifeYou can’t have a positive life with a negative mind.

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Funny Quotes

Funny Short Quotes

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. – Unknown

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car. – Will Rogers

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished. – Zsa Zsa Gabor

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. – Unknown

I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you’re twenty minutes. – Oscar Wilde

A good sermon should be like a woman’s skirt: short enough to rouse the interest, but long enough to cover the essentials. – Unknown

funny short quotesA verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it is written on. – Samual Goldwyn

The road to success is always under construction. – Lily Tomlin

A man’s only as old as the woman he feels. – Groucho Marx

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button. – Sam Levenson

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. – George Burns

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. – Unknown

Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it. – Unknown

I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere. – George Burns

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Celebrity quotes

Oscar Wilde and Mark Twain Hilarious Quotes

I love hilarious quotes, especially from great people, like Mark Twain and Oscar Wilde. Let me share with you some of them:

“A man’s face is his autobiography. A woman’s face is her work of fiction.” – Oscar Wilde

“Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.” – Oscar Wilde

“Journalism is unreadable, literature is never read.” – Oscar Wilde

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.” –Oscar Wilde

“A true friend stabs you in the front.”-Oscar Wilde

“It is very easy to endure the difficulties of one’s enemies. It is the successes of one’s friends that are hard to bear.” – Oscar Wilde

“Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.” – Oscar Wilde

“The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.” – Oscar Wilde

“I couldn’t help it. I can resist everything except temptation.” – Oscar Wilde

“Conscience and cowardice are really the same things.” – Oscar Wilde

“A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.” –Oscar Wilde

“The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself.” –Oscar Wilde

“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” – Oscar Wilde

“Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.” – Oscar Wilde

“One should never trust a woman who tells her real age. If she tells that, she’ll tell anything.” – Oscar Wilde

“No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating.” – Oscar Wilde

“Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.” – Oscar Wilde

“If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.” – Mark Twain

“When angry count four; when very angry, swear.” – Mark Twain

“Always do right – this will gratify some and astonish the rest.” – Mark Twain

“A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is just putting on its shoes.” – Mark Twain

“Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.” – Mark Twain

“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.” –Mark Twain

“In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards.” – Mark Twain

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” –Mark Twain

“Honesty is the best policy — when there is money in it.” – Mark Twain

“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.” – Mark Twain

“It is better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” – Mark Twain

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Other Quotes

Honesty Quotes

It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. ~Henry Louis Mencken, A Little Book in C Major, 1916

If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything. ~Mark Twain

Who lies for you will lie against you. ~Bosnian Proverb

No man has a good enough memory to make a successful liar. ~Abraham Lincoln

Make yourself an honest man, and then you may be sure there is one less rascal in the world. ~Thomas Carlyle

A half truth is a whole lie. ~Yiddish Proverb

A lie will easily get you out of a scrape, and yet, strangely and beautifully, rapture possesses you when you have taken the scrape and left out the lie. ~Charles Edward Montague, Disenchantment

Those who think it is permissible to tell white lies soon grow color-blind. ~Austin O’Malley

A truth that’s told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent. ~William Blake, “Auguries of Innocence,” Poems from the Pickering Manuscript

The least initial deviation from the truth is multiplied later a thousandfold. ~Aristotle

The most dangerous untruths are truths moderately distorted. ~Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

Dare to be true: nothing can need a lie: A fault, which needs it most, grows two thereby. ~George Herbert

With lies you may get ahead in the world – but you can never go back. ~Russian proverb

Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain’t lawful tender for a loaf of bread. ~Josh Billings

The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff. ~Ambrose Bierce

A lie has speed, but truth has endurance. ~Edgar J. Mohn

When you stretch the truth, watch out for the snapback. ~Bill Copeland

Truth is the most valuable thing we have, so I try to conserve it. ~Mark Twain

Honesty is never seen sitting astride the fence. ~Lemuel K. Washburn, Is The Bible Worth Reading And Other Essays, 1911

A lie may take care of the present, but it has no future. ~Author Unknown

We tell lies when we are afraid… afraid of what we don’t know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us. But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger. ~Tad Williams

Truth fears no questions. ~Unknown

There are only two ways of telling the complete truth – anonymously and posthumously. ~Thomas Sowell

Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom. ~Thomas Jefferson

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Motivational Quotes

Funny Motivational Quotes

– “Some people develop a wish bone where their back bone should be.” – Unknown

– “Some people not only expect opportunity to knock, they expect it to beat down the door.” – Unknown

– “Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.” – Ambrose Bierce

– “Start off every day with a smile and get it over with.” – W. C. Fields

– “Success comes in cans, failure in can’ts.” – Unknown

– “Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure.” – Earl Nightingale

– “The best measure of a man’s honesty isn’t his income tax return. It’s the zero adjust on his bathroom scale.” – Arthur C. Clarke

– “The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get into the office.” – Robert Frost

– “The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective.” – Al Neuharth

– “The difference between an optimist and a pessimist is that an optimist thinks this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.” – Unknown