Shopping is better than sex. At least if you’re not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like. – Adrienne Gusoff
An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. – Agatha Christie
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
So each is inevitably disappointed. – Albert Einstein
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity. – Albert Einstein
Men make the highs higher and the lows more frequent. – Anonymous
You know it’s love when you want to keep holding hands even after you’re sweaty. – Anonymous
The four most important words in any marriage…”I’ll do the dishes.” – Anonymous
No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. – Anonymous
Marriage is like jogging through a puddle of industrial strength rubber glue. You can work hard and make it through the struggles; however, you usually leave your bobby socks and sneakers behind along the way. – Anonymous
When a relationship goes flat, so does a couple of sets of car tires. – Anonymous
Men only have two faults….What they do, and what they say! – Anonymous
You can’t buy love on eBay. – Anonymous
If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it? – Bette Midler
A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him. – Brendan Francis
Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch. – Cathy Carlyle
Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter. – Cecilia Egan
The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing — and then marry him. – Cher
Men aren’t necessities, they’re luxuries. – Cher
By the time you swear you’re his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is infinite, undying –
Lady, make note of this: One of you is lying. – Dorothy Parker
I’m always looking for meaningful one night stands. – Dudley Moore
Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. – Erma Bombeck
Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. – Fran Lebowitz
It is impossible to love and be wise. – Francis Bacon
Marriage marks the end of many short follies – being one long stupidity. – Friedrich Nietzsche
Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery. – Fulton J. Sheen
Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it. – George Carlin
Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one. – Glenn Beck
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. – Helen Rowland
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy. – Henry Kissinger
When we got married I told my wife “If you leave me, I’m going with you.” And she never did. – James Fineous McBride
Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house. – Jean Kerr
“Character contributes to beauty. It fortifies a woman as her youth fades. A mode of conduct, a standard of courage, discipline, fortitude, and integrity can do a great deal to make a woman beautiful.” – Adlai E. Stevenson
