Friendship Quotes – a large collection of famous and inspirational quotes

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Tag: Bill Cosby

Short Funny Quotes

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“When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car” – Anonymous

“I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.” – Anonymous

“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.” – Dean Martin

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” – Anonymous

“I’m not offended by all the dumb-blonde jokes because I know that I’m not dumb. I also know I’m not blonde.” – Dolly Parton

“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.” – Yogi Berra

“I’m in no condition to drive…wait! I shouldn’t listen to myself, I’m drunk!” – Homer Simpson

“If at first you do not succeed, then skydiving is surely not meant for you.” – Anonymous

“A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.” – Bill Cosby

“Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.” – Anonymous

“Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.” – Jerry Seinfeld

“Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.” – Anonymous

“Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.” – Anonymous

“I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.” – Elayne Boosler

“To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I’ve done it a thousand times.” – Mark Twain

“My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.” – Paul Getty

“If at first you don’t succeed, order pizza.” – Anonymous

“Hard work never hurt anyone, but why take the chance.” – Anonymous

“Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.” – Albert Einstein

“I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was “You’ll never find anyone like me again!” I’m thinking, “I should hope not! If I don’t want you, why would I want someone like you.”” – Anonymous

“Dogs have Owners, Cats have Staff.” – Anonymous

“Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.” – Anonymous

“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”- Anonymous

“Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.” – Benny Hill

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

Funny Wisdom Quotes

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A word to the wise ain’t necessary. It’s the stupid ones who need the advice. – Bill Cosby

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives. – Abba Eban

I am not young enough to know everything. – Oscar Wilde

Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man’s head. – Ambrose Bierce

Some folk are wise, and some are otherwise. – Tobias Smollett

Along with success comes a reputation for wisdom. – Euripides

Cleverness is not wisdom. – Euripides

Silence is true wisdom’s best reply. – Euripides

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. – Bertrand Russell

It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it. – Sam Levenson

Nothing would more contribute to make a man wise than to have always an enemy in his view. – Lord Halifax

Music Quotes

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“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.” – Ed Gardner

“Music is the wine that fills the cup of silence.” – Robert Fripp

“Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything.” – Plato

“Life is one grand, sweet song so start the music.” – Ronald Reagan

“Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.” – Bill Cosby

“Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable.” – Samuel Johnson

“Music in the soul can be heard by the universe.” – Lao Tzu

“I don’t know anything about music. In my line you don’t have to.” – Elvis Presley

“Music is a safe kind of high.” – Jimi Hendrix

“Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent.” – Victor Hugo

Success Quotes

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“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” – Henry Ford

“Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill

“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” – Bill Cosby

“Eighty percent of success is showing up.” – Woody Allen

“Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today.” – Benjamin Franklin

“You can do anything, but not everything.” – David Allen

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then is not an act but a habit.” – Aristotle

“The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.” – Sven Goran Eriksson

“Opportunity is missed by most people, because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison

“Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.” – Maya Angelou

Famous Family Quotes

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“The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family.” – Lee Iacocca

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns

“A happy family is but an earlier heaven.” – George Bernard Shaw

“You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who’ve never had any.” – Bill Cosby

“Family isn’t about whose blood you have. It’s about who you care about.” – Trey Parker and Matt Stone

“All happy families resemble one another. Each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” – Leo Tolstoy

“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family. Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” – Jane Howard

“You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them.” – Desmond Tutu

“As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live.” – Pope John Paul II

“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.” – George Bernard Shaw

Mottos for Success #2

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“You can do anything you wish to do, have anything you wish to have, be anything you wish to be.” ~ Robert Collier

“Laughter is a unique medicine that places your problems in perspective, relaxes your tense muscles, reassures those around you, and helps you to enjoy life even when you don’t have everything you want. A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.” ~ David Brinkley

“I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.” ~ Michael Jordan

“A great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.” ~ Walter Gagehot

“In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.” ~ Bill Cosby

“The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it is the same problem you had last year.” ~ John Foster Dulles

“What is success? I think it is a mixture of having a flair for the thing that you are doing; knowing that it is not enough, that you have got to have hard work and a certain sense of purpose.” ~ Margaret Thatcher

“Keep these concepts in mind: You’ve failed many times, although you don’t remember. You fell down the first time you tried to walk. You almost drowned the first time you tried to swim. . . . Don’t worry about failure. My suggestion to each of you: Worry about the chances you miss when you don’t even try.” ~ Sherman Finesilver

“History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heart-breaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats.” ~ B.C Forbes

“Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.” ~ William Feather

“Success is blocked by concentrating on it and planning for it… Success is shy – it won’t come out while you’re watching.” ~ Tennessee Williams

“Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may like it.” ~Sam Ewing”A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do.” ~ Bob Dylan

“Somehow I can’t believe there are many heights that can’t be scaled by a man who knows the secret of making dreams come true. This special secret can be summarized in four C’s. They are: curiosity, confidence, courage, and constancy, and the greatest of these is confidence.” ~ Walt Disney

“I believe that the true road to preeminent success in any line is to make yourself master of that line.” ~ Andrew Carnegie

“Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success.” ~ Dr. Joyce Brothers

Inspirational & Motivational Quotes

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– “I am only one, but I am one. I can’t do everything, but I can do something. And that I can do, I ought to do. And what I ought to do, by the grace of God, I shall do.” – Edward Everett Hale

– “I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world.” – E.B. White

– “I call all times soon.” – Aslan (from The Voyage Of The Dawn Treader)

– “I can accept failure. Everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.” – Michael Jordan

– “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” – Bill Cosby

– “I firmly believe that any man’s finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is the moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the battlefield of victory.” – Vince Lombardi

– “I hated every minute of training, but I said, “Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.” – Muhammad Ali

– “I have always found that mercy bears richer fruit than strict justice.” – Abraham Lincoln

– “I have been driven to my knees many times by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go.” – Abraham Lincoln

– “I have found a desire within myself that no experience in this world can satisfy; the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.” – C.S. Lewis

– “I have no desire to be a teenager again. I think that would be beyond nature in a very, very dangerous way. And, in fact, this goes back to the parables of Dorian Gray and Peter Pan about eternal youth. It’s disastrous. It’s incredibly toxic. Within our culture in general, there’s a lot of people trying to prolong their youth, in disastrous ways. It just doesn’t work. The human body has finite limits.” – John Savage

– “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that don’t work.” – Thomas Alva Edison

– “I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.” – Chinese Proverb

– “I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.” – Helen Keller

– “I make myself rich by making my wants few.” – Henry David Thoreau

– “I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.” – Michelangelo

– “I think the one lesson I have learned is that there is no substitute for paying attention.” – Diane Sawyer

– “I will never look at a firefighter the same way again. What is it in someone, hundreds of them, to compel them to run into a burning building while everyone else is running out…just to save people they don’t even know? Their bravery has become part of our collective national legacy. Their bravery dignifies us all.” – Bill Hybels

– “I wish people could achieve what they think would bring them happiness in order for them to realize that that’s not what happiness really is.” – Alanis Morissette

Failure Quotes

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– “If you’re doing your best, you won’t have any time to worry about failure.” – Quoted in P.S. I Love You, compiled by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

– “Failure is an event, never a person.” – William D. Brown, Welcome Stress!

– “The only time you don’t fail is the last time you try anything – and it works.” – William Strong

– “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” – Thomas Edison

– “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” – Bill Cosby

– “There is no failure except in no longer trying.” – Elbert Hubbard

– “Supposing you have tried and failed again and again. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call “failure” is not the falling down, but the staying down.” – Mary Pickford

– “Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” – Samuel Beckett

– “Failure doesn’t mean you are a failure… it just means you haven’t succeeded yet.” – Robert Schuller

– “One fails forward toward success.” – Charles F. Kettering

– “One must be a god to be able to tell successes from failures without making a mistake.” – Anton Pavlovich Chekhov

– “A man may fall many times, but he won’t be a failure until he says that someone pushed him.” – Elmer G. Letterman

– “Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald

Best Comedian Quotes

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– “I went into a McDonald’s yesterday and said, «I’d like some fries.» The girl at the counter said, «Would you like some fries with that?»” – Jay Leno)

– “My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.” – Roseanne

– “Don’t knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love.” – Woody Allen

– “It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen

– “I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it’s fantastic.” – Woody Allen

– “I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.” – George Carlin

– “Have you ever noticed, in traffic, anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac!” – George Carlin

– “You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.” – Dave Chappelle

– “I think every group of black guys should have at least one white guy in it.” – Dave Chappelle

– “A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.” – Bill Cosby

– “To be good, you need to believe in what you’re doing.” – Billy Crystal

– “I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five.” – Steven Wright

– “Having a male gynecologist is like going to an auto mechanic who doesn’t own a car.” – Carrie Snow

– “I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.” – Eddie Izzard

– “If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight.” – George Gobel

– “Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.” – George Carlin

– “Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end.” – Jerry Seinfeld

– “You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy,the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America’s Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn’t want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named Bush, Dick, and Colon.” – Chris Rock