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Funny Quotes

Quotes on Humor

“Laugh as much as possible, always laugh. It’s the sweetest thing one can do for oneself & one’s fellow human beings.” – Maya Angelou

“A good laugh makes any interview, or any conversation, so much better.” – Barbara Walters

“He who laughs, lasts.” – Mary Pettibone Poole

“A good laugh overcomes more difficulties and dissipates more dark clouds than any other one thing.” – Laura Ingalls Wilder

“There is nothing like a gleam of humor to reassure you that a fellow human being is ticking inside a strange face.” – Eva Hoffman

“Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.” – Bill Cosby

“A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It’s jolted by every pebble on the road.” – Henry Ward Beecher

“It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously.” – Oscar Wilde

“When humor goes, there goes civilization.” – Erma Bombeck

“A sense of humor… is needed armor. Joy in one’s heart and some laughter on one’s lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.” – Hugh Sidey

“A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done” – Dwight D. Eisenhower

“I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it.” – Frank A. Clark

“No mind is thoroughly well organized that is deficient in a sense of humor.” – Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Funny Quotes“Comedy is acting out optimism.” – Robin Williams

“A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.” – William Arthur Ward

“Humor can alter any situation and help us cope at the very instant we are laughing.” – Allen Klein

“Humor is just another defense against the universe.” – Mel Brooks

“Humor is laughing at what you haven’t got when you ought to have it.” – Langston Hughes

“Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs.” – Christopher Morley

“If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life, choose a sense of humor.” – Jennifer Jones

“Humor is something that thrives between man’s aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.” – Victor Borge

“Humor is the affectionate communication of insight.” – Leo Rosten

“Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you.” – Langston Hughes

“Next to power without honor, the most dangerous thing in the world is power without humor.” – Eric Sevareid

“The more I live, the more I think that humor is the saving sense.” – Jacob August Riis

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Failure Quotes

Failure Quotes and Sayings

If we will learn what failure is, we will know what courage and success are. Now let’s read some wonderful failure quotes.

Just once it might be instructive to pretend you’re accepting an award for failure, just to see who you would thank. ~Robert Brault

In a world flagrant with the failures of civilization, what is there particularly immortal about our own? ~G.K. Chesterton

They say President Wilson has blundered. Perhaps he has, but I notice he usually blunders forward. ~Thomas Edison

There are defeats more triumphant than victories. ~Michel de Montaigne

Failure sometimes enlarges the spirit. You have to fall back upon humanity and God. ~Charles Horton Cooley

Failure Quotes and SayingsNotice the difference between what happens when a man says to himself, “I have failed three times,” and what happens when he says, “I am a failure.” ~S.I. Hayakawa

A failure is a man who has blundered, but is not able to cash in the experience. ~Elbert Hubbard

No man is a failure who is enjoying life. ~William Feather

Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently. ~Henry Ford

Because a fellow has failed once or twice or a dozen times, you don’t want to set him down as a failure till he’s dead or loses his courage. ~George Horace Lorimer

You can’t have any successes unless you can accept failure. ~George Cukor

There is no failure. Only feedback. ~Robert Allen

Failure changes for the better, success for the worse. ~Lucius Annaeus Seneca

There is much to be said for failure. It is more interesting than success. ~Max Beerbohm, Mainly on the Air, 1946

You always pass failure on your way to success. ~Mickey Rooney

Nothing fails like success because we don’t learn from it. We learn only from failure. ~Kenneth Boudling

Our business in life is not to succeed, but to continue to fail in good spirits. ~Robert Louis Stevenson

It is a mistake to suppose that people succeed through success; they often succeed through failures. ~Author Unknown

The men who try to do something and fail are infinitely better than those who try to do nothing and succeed. ~Lloyd Jones

What’s your favorite? :D

Categories
Life Quotes

Life Quotes

In Europe, now it is morning. It’s 9 AM. I dare you to start this perfect day with some great life quotes.

“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

“Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you’re alive, it isn’t.” – Richard Bach

“I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.” – E. B. White

“I have a simple philosophy: Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. Scratch where it itches.” – Alice Roosevelt Longworth

“I love life because what more is there.” – Anthony Hopkins

“I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.” – John Burroughs

“The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.” – William James

“Only a few things are really important.” – Marie Dressler

“I think I’ve discovered the secret of life-you just hang around until you get used to it.” – Charles M. Schulz

“May you live every day of your life.” – Jonathan Swift

“The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing.” – Marcus Aurelius

“The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line.” – H. L. Mencken

“The fear of life is the favorite disease of the 20th century.” – William Lyon Phelps

“The perfect normal person is rare in our civilization.” – Karen Horney

Categories
Celebrity quotes

Bill Cosby Quotes

A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger.

As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by “survival of the fittest.”

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them.

Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you’re telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

Every closed eye is not sleeping, and every open eye is not seeing.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

Gray hair is God’s graffiti.

Having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.

I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who’ve had luck with it and those who haven’t.

I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread.

I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I wasn’t always black… there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

Immortality is a long shot, I admit. But somebody has to be first.

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.

It isn’t a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that’s beautiful.

Let us now set forth one of the fundamental truths about marriage: the wife is in charge.

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn’t because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children.

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.

Nothing I’ve ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children.

Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes.

Old is always fifteen years from now.

Parents are not interested in justice, they’re interested in peace and quiet.

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what’s bitter and move on.

Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die.

Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made.

Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don’t believe the kids should be given homework.

That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.

The essence of childhood, of course, is play, which my friends and I did endlessly on streets that we reluctantly shared with traffic.

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.

The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it.

The past is a ghost, the future a dream, and all we ever have is now.

The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.

There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God.

There is no labor a person does that is undignified; if they do it right.

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.

When you become senile, you won’t know it.

Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think – in a deeper voice.

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it.

You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who’ve never had any.

Categories
Celebrity quotes

Vince Lombardi Quotes

– “A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.”

– “Coaches who can outline plays on a black board are a dime a dozen. The ones who win get inside their player and motivate.”

– “Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence.”

– “Dictionary is the only place that success comes before work. Hard work is the price we must pay for success. I think you can accomplish anything if you’re willing to pay the price.”

– “Fatigue makes cowards of us all.”

– “Football is like life – it requires perseverance, self-denial, hard work, sacrifice, dedication and respect for authority.”

– “I don’t think there’s a punch-line scheduled, is there?”

– “I firmly believe that any man’s finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle – victorious.”

– “If it doesn’t matter who wins or loses, then why do they keep score?”

– “If winning isn’t everything, why do they keep score?”

– “If you aren’t fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm.”

– “If you can accept losing, you can’t win.”

– “Individual commitment to a group effort – that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work.”

– “It’s easy to have faith in yourself and have discipline when you’re a winner, when you’re number one. What you got to have is faith and discipline when you’re not a winner.”

– “It’s not whether you get knocked down, it’s whether you get up.”

– “Leaders are made, they are not born. They are made by hard effort, which is the price which all of us must pay to achieve any goal that is worthwhile.”

– “Leaders aren’t born they are made. And they are made just like anything else, through hard work. And that’s the price we’ll have to pay to achieve that goal, or any goal.”

– “Once you agree upon the price you and your family must pay for success, it enables you to ignore the minor hurts, the opponent’s pressure, and the temporary failures.”

– “Once you learn to quit, it becomes a habit.”

– “People who work together will win, whether it be against complex football defenses, or the problems of modern society.”

Categories
Bands and Music Quotes Celebrity quotes

Serj Tankian Quotes

– “Civilization is a failure. We need to think what we can do together in love and peace.”
– “I’d rather let the music speak for itself.”
– “I’m not comfortable with just entertaining. Although I like entertaining, I also like bringing forward the truth of our times as minstrels used to in the old days.”
– “It’s probably a combination of personal and non-personal matters that have led us to where we are musically.”
– “People think our music’s very aggressive or angry or whatever, and it’s just the opposite, really… I like laughing. And I like being really calm before a show, and smiley.”
– “Pretending that we live doesn’t make us alive.”
– “The percentage of Americans in the prison system, has doubled since 1985.”

– “We first fought the heathens in the name of religion, then Communism, and now in the name of drugs and terrorism. Our excuses for global domination always change.”