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Mark Twain Quotes #5

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A man’s character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.

How little a thing can make us happy when we feel that we have earned it.

To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don’t know anything and can’t read.

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.

Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain’t so.

When in doubt, tell the truth.

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet deep down in his private heart no man much respects himself.

Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one.

What a wee little part of a person’s life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.

The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself.

I cannot call to mind a single instance where I have ever been irreverent, except toward the things which were sacred to other people.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.

We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.

When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.

The report of my death was an exaggeration.

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them.

Familiarity breeds contempt – and children.

Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

Mark Twain Quotes #4

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I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

The Christian’s Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.

There are lies, damned lies and statistics.

The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

Just the omission of Jane Austen’s books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn’t a book in it.

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.

It is just like man’s vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.

I can live for two months on a good compliment.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.

I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don’t know.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

Zeal and sincerity can carry a new religion further than any other missionary except fire and sword.

Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered – either by themselves or by others.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession.

There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.

There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.

Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours.

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.

Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.

Great Collection of Quotes

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* “A loving person lives in a loving world. A hostile person lives in a hostile world. Everyone you meet is your mirror.” ~ Keyes
* “There is no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.” ~ Unknown
* “Be with the ones you love (and the ones that love you.) Ignore everyone else.” ~ Seth Godin
* “Life is like skiing. Just like skiing, the goal is not to get to the bottom of the hill. It’s to have a bunch of good runs before the sun sets.” ~ Seth Godin
* “Let love rule.” ~ Lenny Kravitz
* “Are you a serial idea-starting person? The goal is to be an idea-shipping person.” ~ Seth Godin
* “Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind.” ~ Bruce Lee
* “Always aim at complete harmony of thought and word and deed. Always aim at purifying your thoughts and everything will be well.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
* “Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.” ~ Oscar Wilde
* “Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
* “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” ~ Lao Tzu
* “The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off.” ~ Gloria Steinem
* “Let the sunshine in. When you are lonely, let it shine. You gotta open up your heart, and let it shine on in.” ~ The Fifth Dimension
* “Setting an example is not the main means of influencing others; it is the only means.” ~ Albert Einstein
* “Whenever I’m caught between two evils, I take the one I’ve never tried.” ~ Mae West
* “If you let go a little, you will have a little happiness. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of happiness. If you let go completely you will be completely happy.” ~ Ajahn Chah
* “We are here on Earth to do good to others. What the others are here for, I don’t know.” ~ W.H. Auden
* “Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman, giving all your love to just one man…” ~ Tammy Wynette
* “A blind pig can sometimes find a truffle. But it helps to know that they’re found in oak forests.” ~ David Ogilvy
* “Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.” ~ Jimi Hendrix
* “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” ~ Mark Twain
* “On the whole human history is a record of the ways in which human nature has been sold short. The highest possibilities of human nature have practically always been underrated.” ~ Abraham Maslow
* “Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.” ~ William Shakespeare
* “Just don’t give up on trying to do what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, I don’t think you can go wrong.” ~ Ella Fitzgerald
* “If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don’t have it, no matter what else there is… it’s not enough.” ~ Ann Landers
* “Information is not knowledge. Knowledge is not wisdom. Wisdom is not truth.” ~ Frank Zappa
* “All things are artificial, for nature is the art of God.” ~ Thomas Browne
* “It is strange how often a heart must be broken before the years can make it wise.” ~ Sara Teasdale
* “I say follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.” ~ Joseph Campbell
* “Contemplate the extent and stability of the heavens, and then at last cease to admire worthless things.” ~ Boethius
* “He whose peace is not shaken by others, and before whom other people find peace, beyond excitement and anger and fear – he is dear to me.” ~ Bhagavad-Gita
* “He who in his early days was unwise but later found wisdom, he sheds a light over the world like that of the moon when free from clouds.” ~ Buddha
* “Love taken seriously is a radical outlook, a major departure from the psychological orientation that rules the world. It is threatening not because it is a small idea, but because it is huge.” ~ Marianne Wiliamson
* “At the heart of my programme is the simple truth that happy marriages are based on a deep friendship. By this I mean a mutual respect for and enjoyment of each others company.” ~ John M Gottman
* “Dream as if you’ll live forever, live as if you’ll die today.” ~ James Dean
* “The true measure of a man is how he treats someone that can do him absolutely no good.” ~ Samuel Johnson
* “Try not to become a man of success but a man of value.” ~ Albert Einstein
* “A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway.” ~ Fr. Jerome Cummings
* “In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, for in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.” ~ Kahlil Gibran
* “A friend is someone who can sing you the song of your heart when you’ve forgotten it.” ~ Unknown
* “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him.” ~ Bible Corinthians
* “There are many more beautiful landscapes in the world, but none, I think, that can shape a man’s heart in so sovereign a way… The desert is bare and clean and knows no compromise. It sweeps out of the heart of man all the lovely fantasies that could be used as a masquerade for wishful thinking, and thus makes him free to surrender himself to an Absolute that has no image: the farthest of all that is fear and the nearest of all that is near.” ~ Muhammad Asaf
* “He spoke of very simple things – that it is right for a seagull to fly, that freedom is the very nature of his being, that whatever stands against that freedom must be set aside, be it ritual or superstition or limitation in any form.” ~ Richard Bach – Jonathan Livingston Seagull
* “I think the real miracle is not to walk on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don;t even recognise: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes or a child – our own two eyes. All is a miracle.” ~ Thuch Nat Hanh
* “I’d rather have the whole world against me than my own soul, and this soul reveals itself in a state of gratitude and love.” ~ John F Demartini
* “Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.” ~ Confucious
* “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” ~ Bible
* “There are many trails up the mountain, but in time they all reach the top.” ~ Anya Seton
* “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~ Maya Angelou
* “Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it… It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.” ~ Erica Jong

Mark Twain Quotes #3

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I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won’t.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial “we.”

In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.

Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.

An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven’t been done before.

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.

The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.

Do something every day that you don’t want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.

The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all.

Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.

It is my belief that nearly any invented quotation, played with confidence, stands a good chance to deceive.

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.

Virtue has never been as respectable as money.

New Orleans food is as delicious as the less criminal forms of sin.

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

Substitute “damn” every time you’re inclined to write “very”; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.

The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.

Mark Twain Quotes #2

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Total abstinence is so excellent a thing that it cannot be carried to too great an extent. In my passion for it I even carry it so far as to totally abstain from total abstinence itself.

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.

None but an ass pays a compliment and asks a favor at the same time. There are many asses.

Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.

Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.

Don’t tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don’t tell them where they know the fish.

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.

It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.

Necessity is the mother of taking chances.

Chastity — you can carry it too far.

Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity — another man’s I mean.

Laws control the lesser man… Right conduct controls the greater one.

No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

There is nothing that saps one’s confidence as the knowing how to do a thing.

We have the best government that money can buy.

I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn’t.

Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits.

If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.

I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.

Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.

Mark Twain Quotes

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Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

Better a broken promise than none at all.

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

It is easier to stay out than get out.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it.

If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.

Some men deserve compliments, but the only one that is welcome to a modest man is the one that is undeserved.

Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.

It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

Man – a creature made at the end of the week’s work when God was tired.

I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time.

I make it a rule never to smoke while I’m sleeping.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.

The more you explain it, the more I don’t understand it.

Inspiring Kindness Quotes

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# Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the and the blind can see. ~Mark Twain
# No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. ~Aesop
# For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. ~Audrey Hepburn
# Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless. ~Mother Teresa
# Whenever you are confronted with an opponent, conquer him with love. ~Gandhi
# It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. ~Kahil Gibran
# Choose being kind over being right, and you’ll be right every time. ~Richard Carlson
# Real generosity is doing something nice for someone who will never find out. ~Frank A. Clark
# When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace. ~Dalai Lama
# Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~ Philo
# Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves. ~James Matthew Barrie
# How beautiful a day can be when kindness touches it! ~George Elliston
# Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profundity. Kindness in giving creates love. ~Lao-Tse
# Don’t wait for people to be friendly, show them how. ~Author Unknown
# To be able to practice five things everywhere under heaven constitutes perfect virtue… gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness. ~Confucius

Being Afraid Quotes

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I’m not afraid of storms for I’m learning how to sail my ship. – Louisa May Alcott

Courage is doing what you’re afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you’re scared. – Eddie Rickenbacker

You must do the things you think you cannot do. – Eleanor Roosevelt

The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek. – Joseph Campbell

The best way to gain self-confidence is to do what you are afraid to do. – Anonymous

With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear. – Mark Twain

Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain. – Mark Twain

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be. – Anne Frank

If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to. If you are not afraid of dying, there is nothing you cannot achieve. – Lao Tzu

Always do what you are afraid to do. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. – Plato

We have to start teaching ourselves not to be afraid. – William Faulkner

The first step to believing something is true is wanting to believe it is true… or being afraid it is. – Terry Goodkind

Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great. – John D. Rockefeller

Funny Life Quotes

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“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” – Oscar Wilde

“When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.” – Mark Twain

“Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering – and it’s all over much too soon.” – Woody Allen

“For most men, life is a search for the proper Manila envelope in which to get themselves filed.” – Clifton Fadiman

“Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still.” – Lou Erickso

“Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man.” – William Shakespeare

“Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers

“Life is like eating artichokes, you have got to go through so much to get so little.” – Thomas Aloysius Dorgan

“Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he’s talking about.” – Sam Ewing

“I think I’ve discovered the secret of life – you just hang around until you get used to it.” – Charles Schulz

Motivating Mark Twain Quotes

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* Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.

* Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you’ve never been hurt and live like it’s heaven on Earth.

* Be careless in your dress if you will, but keep a tidy soul.

* Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss SLOWLY. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably. And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile.

* The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.

* If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

* A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

* Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

* Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

* The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.

* Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

* Do something every day that you don’t want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.

* Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

* Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.

* Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

* Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

* I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.