Friendship Quotes – a large collection of famous and inspirational quotes

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Johnny Carson Quotes

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn’t grow up can be vice president.

For days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off.

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

I know you’ve been married to the same woman for 69 years. That is marvelous. It must be very inexpensive.

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen radio dinners.

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

Johnny Carson Quotes

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.

Never continue in a job you don’t enjoy. If you’re happy in what you’re doing, you’ll like yourself, you’ll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

People will pay more to be entertained than educated.

Talent alone won’t make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: “Are your ready?”

Martin Luther King, Jr. Quotes

Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness. – Martin Luther King, Jr. Quotes

A little faith will bring your soul to heaven, but a lot of faith will bring heaven to your soul. – Martin Luther King, Jr. Quotes

The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people. – Martin Luther King, Jr. Quotes

The question is no longer between violence and non-violence; it is between non-violence and non-existence. – Martin Luther King, Jr. Quotes

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope. – Martin Luther King, Jr. Quotes

Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. – Martin Luther King, Jr. Quotes

Martin Luther King, Jr. QuotesIf you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream. – Martin Luther King, Jr. Quotes

True peace is not merely the absence of tension: it is the presence of justice. – Martin Luther King, Jr. Quotes

Forgiveness is not an occasional act: it is an attitude. – Martin Luther King, Jr. Quotes

I am not interested in power for power’s sake, but I’m interested in power that is moral, that is right and that is good. – Martin Luther King, Jr. Quotes

Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed. – Martin Luther King, Jr. Quotes

A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual death. – Martin Luther King, Jr. Quotes

Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity. – Martin Luther King, Jr. Quotes

All labor that uplifts humanity has dignity and importance and should be undertaken with painstaking excellence – Martin Luther King, Jr. Quotes

Oppressed people cannot remain oppressed forever. – Martin Luther King, Jr. Quotes

Wisdom Quotes and Sayings

A man who regards his own life and that of his own fellow creatures as meaningless is not merely unhappy but hardly fit for life. – Albert Einstein

Give every man thy ear but few thy voice. – Shakespeare

The gods themselves cannot reclaim their gifts. They may rob us of our future and embitter our present, but our past they may not touch. With all its laughter and delight and glamour it is our eternal possession. – LM Montgomery – The Story Girl

Ever tried? Ever Failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better. – Samuel Beckett

It is better to die on your feet, than to live on your knees. – Emiliano Zapata

Let us not waste our time in idle discourse! Let us do something, while we have the chance! It is not every day that we are needed. Not indeed that we personally are needed. Others would meet the case equally well, if not better. To all mankind they were addressed, those cries for help still ringing in our ears! But at this place, at this moment in time, all mankind is us, whether we like it or not. Let us make the most of it, before it is too late! Let us represent worthily, for once, the foul brood to which a cruel fate consigned us! What do you say? (pause) It is true that when with folded arms we weigh the pros and cons we are no less a credit to our species. The tiger bounds to the help of his congeners without the least reflection , or else he slinks away into the depths of the thickets. But that is not the question. What we are doing here, that is the question. And we are blessed in this, that we happen t o know the answer. Yes, in this immense confusion, one thing alone is clear. We are waiting for Godot to come. – Samuell Beckett, Waiting for Godot

wisdom quotes and sayingsFamily is there because they have to be, friends are there because they want to be. – Unknown

What I want is what I’ve not got, and what I need is all around me. – Dave Matthews

It was once said that is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. This is not entirely true. It is neither better nor worse. Both hurt and both are, in their own separate ways, unbearable. – Cristoph Lamarte

It doesn’t mean that I advocate violence, but at the same time I am not against using violence in self-defense. I don’t call it violence when it’s self-defense, I call it intelligence. – Malcolm X

If you try, you might fail…if you don’t try you are guranteed to fail. – Chris Bannister

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand & changing a soul. And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning & company doesn’t mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts & presents aren’t promises. And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up & your eyes ahead… & you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans & futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. So you plant your own garden instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong & that you really do have worth… and with every goodbye, you learn… – Unknown

Society has closed all possibilities of a fresh and open mind, if we can control our minds before our brain tells us what it is surely then we are free – Edward McEwan

Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. – Oscar Wilde

Some people listen to themselves rather then listen to what others say. These people don’t come along very often, but when they do, they remind us that once you set off on a path, even though critics may doubt you, it’s ok to believe that there is no CAN’T, WON’T or IMPOSSIBLE. They remind us that it’s ok to believe that IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING. – Adidas commercial

The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it. Resist it, and your soul grows sick with longing for the things it has forbidden to itself, with desire for what its laws had made unlawful. – Oscar Wilde

In the beginning of life, when we are infants, we need others to survive, right. And at the end of life, when you get like me[weak/feeble], you need others to survive, right? But here’s the secret: in between, we need others as well. – Tuesdays with Morrie

There are two lasting bequests we can give our children: One of these is Roots; the other, Wings. – Hodding Carter

The object of war isn’t to die for your country but to make the other poor bastard die for his. – General George Patton

Dilbert Quotes

1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
3. Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.
4. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
5. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time, chances are you won’t be needing him again.
6. I DON’T HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM, YOU HAVE A PERCEPTION PROBLEM.
7. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, “where the heck is the ceiling?”
8. My reality cheque bounced.
9. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
10. I don’t suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
11. You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
12. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
13. Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.
14. Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience.
15. A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt.
16. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
17. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
18. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
19. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
20. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
21. If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
22. When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
23. Following the rules will not get the job done.
24. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, “How would the Lone Ranger handle this?”
25. Only the mediocre are at their best all the time.
26. There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
27. Bring ideas in and entertain them royally, for one of them may be the king.
28. If at first you don’t succeed……skydiving isn’t for you.
29. Life is a waste of time; time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
30. When everything is coming your way……you’re in the wrong lane.

Funny Jokes Quotes

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.