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Charile Chaplin Funny Quotes

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sir_charles_chaplins– “I remain just one thing, and one thing only, and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician.”
– “Failure is unimportant. It takes courage to make a fool of yourself.”
– “A day without laughter is a day wasted.”
– “We think too much and feel too little.”
– “Laughter is the tonic, the relief, the surcease for pain.”
– “Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot.”
– “The saddest thing I can imagine is to get used to luxury.”
– “All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.”
– “Nothing is permanent in this wicked world – not even our troubles.”

– “To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it!”

– “That´s what all we are. Amateurs. We don´t live long enough to be anything else.”

– “In the end, everything is a gag.”

Famous Quotes by Women

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Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. – Marianne Williamson

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage. – Anaïs Nin

Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are. – Marianne Williamson

Don’t let one cloud obliterate the whole sky. – Anaïs Nin

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed it is the only thing that ever has. – Margaret Mead

We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are. – Anaïs Nin

He who believes is strong; he who doubts is weak. Strong convictions precede great actions. – Louisa May Alcott

One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar. – Helen Keller

You must do the things you think you cannot do. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world. – Helen Keller

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. – Anne Frank

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. – Helen Keller

When you cease to make a contribution, you begin to die. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties. – Helen Keller

It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter. – Marlene Dietrich

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. – Helen Keller

If you judge people, you have no time to love them. – Mother Teresa

The marvelous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were no limitations to overcome. – Helen Keller

Peace begins with a smile. – Mother Teresa

Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties. – Helen Keller

Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty. – Mother Teresa

True happiness… is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose. – Helen Keller

Let us not be satisfied with just giving money. Money is not enough, money can be got, but they need your hearts to love them. So, spread your love everywhere you go. – Mother Teresa

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. – Helen Keller

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. – Helen Keller

I’m not afraid of storms for I’m learning how to sail my ship. – Louisa May Alcott

Dreams are necessary to life. – Anais Nin

Science may have found a cure for most evils; but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all — the apathy of human beings. – Helen Keller

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. – Anaïs Nin

You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best that you have to give. – Eleanor Roosevelt

It is never too late to be what you might have been. – George Eliot [George Eliot was the pen name of English novelist Mary Anne Evans (1819-1880)]

People living deeply have no fear of death. – Anaïs Nin

It is our choices … that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. – J. K. Rowling (Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets)

Never allow a person to tell you No who doesn’t have the power to say Yes. – Eleanor Roosevelt

When we blindly adopt a religion, a political system, a literary dogma, we become automatons. We cease to grow. – Anaïs Nin

Famous and Funny Quotes

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– “The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once” – E. Joseph Cossman

– “Gray hair is God’s graffiti” – Bill Cosby

– “I lived in Miami for a while, in a section with a lot of really old people. The average age in my apartment house was dead” – Gabe Kaplan

– “Good Americans, when they die, go to Paris” – T. G. Appleton

– “We had a very successful trip to Russia we got back” – Bob Hope

– “I know lots more old drunks than old doctors” – Joe E. Lewis

– “My doctor said I look like a million dollars – green and wrinkled” – Red Skelton

– “Condoms aren’t completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one . . . and got hit by a bus” – Bob Rubin

– “My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill, he gave me six months more” – Walter Mattbau

– “I can’t believe that out of a hundred thousand sperm, you were the quickest” – Steven Pearl

– “she: Before we got married, you told me you were well-off.
he: I was, and I didn’t know it” – Jacob Braude
– “A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband” – Michel de Montaigne

Criticism Quotes

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“Our dependency makes slaves out of us, especially if this dependency is a dependency of our self-esteem. If you need encouragement, praise, pats on the back from everybody, then you make everybody your judge.” – Fritz Perls

“You can disagree without being disagreeable.” – Zig Ziglar

“Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.” – Winston Churchill

“Don’t pay any attention to what they write about you. Just measure it in inches.”- Andy Warhol

“You can’t let praise or criticism get to you. It’s a weakness to get caught up in either one.” – John Wooden

“If you don’t have enemies, you don’t have character.” – Paul Newman

“Nothing is complete and thus nothing is exempt from criticism.”- James Luther Adams

“Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.” – Frank A. Clark

“Any reviewer who expresses rage and loathing for a novel is preposterous. He or she is like a person who has put on full armor and attacked a hot fudge sundae.” – Kurt Vonnegut

“The greatest threat to freedom is the absence of criticism.” – Wole Soyinka

“Quit now, you’ll never make it. If you disregard this advice, you’ll be halfway there.” – David Zucker

“People always call it luck when you’ve acted more sensibly than they have.” – Anne Tyler

“Once you label me you negate me.” – Søren Kierkegaard

“We are not trying to entertain the critics. I’ll take my chances with the public.” – Walt Disney

“He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help.” – Abraham Lincoln

“Criticism is the art of appraising others at one’s own value.” – George Jean Nathan

“He only profits from praise who values criticism.” – Heinrich Heine

“A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her.” – David Brinkley

“Harshness to me is giving somebody false hopes and not following through. That’s harsh. Telling some guy or some girl who’ve got zero talent that they have zero talent actually is a kindness.”- Simon Cowell

“Don’t abuse your friends and expect them to consider it criticism.” – Edgar Watson Howe

Clever Quotes

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Funny Clever Quotes

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. – Groucho Marx

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. – Mark Twain

I intend to live forever, or die trying. – Groucho Marx

Familiarity breeds contempt – and children. – Mark Twain

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. – Mel Brooks

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it. – Groucho Marx

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath. – W. C. Fields

Golf is a good walk spoiled. – Mark Twain

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know. – Groucho Marx

It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog. – Mark Twain

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying. – Oscar Wilde

It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to. – W. C. Fields

Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said. – Mel Brooks

Too clever is dumb.- Ogden Nash

Clever Quotes on Life

Life is too important to be taken seriously. – Oscar Wilde

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do. – Benjamin Franklin

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? – Groucho Marx

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead. – Benjamin Franklin

Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted. – John Lennon

Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. – Anonymous

Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment.
Cleverness is mere opinion, bewilderment is intuition. – Jalal al-Din Rumi

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again. – Robert A. Heinlein

A clever man commits no minor blunders. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. – Groucho Marx

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. – H. L. Mencken

Clever Quotes about Life

The road to success is always under construction. – Lily Tomlin

Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas. – H. L. Mencken

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile. – Albert Schweitzer

Old age is fifteen years older than I am. – Oliver Wendell Holmes

A man likes his wife to be just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness, and just stupid enough to admire it. – Israel Zangwill

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. – Isaac Asimov

Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them. – Walter Kerr

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe. – Albert Einstein

I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones. – John Peel

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! – Tom Lehrer

Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. – Tom Lehrer

If you’re alive you’ve got to flap your arms and legs, you’ve got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you’re not alive. – Mel Brooks

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. – sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt, Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson, but…

Clever Quotes for Facebook

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. – Groucho Marx

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. – Robert Frost

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution? – H. L. Mencken

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. – H. L. Mencken

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. – H. L. Mencken

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop. – H. L. Mencken

Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull. – H. L. Mencken

Clever Sayings for Facebook

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. – Benjamin Franklin

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. – Oscar Wilde

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. – Oscar Wilde

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. – George Burns

Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache. – Mae West

Clever Sayings

Don’t let schooling interfere with your education. – Mark Twain

Be careful not to do your good deeds when there’s no one watching you. – Tom Lehrer

The lack of money is the root of all evil. – Mark Twain

A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth. – Will Rogers

Clever Phrases

To the best of my knowledge the following clever phrases are all anonymous. Come to think of it, would anyone really admit to writing any of these clever phrases?

The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming train.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

I love my attitude problem.

Some days you’re the dog, and some days you’re the hydrant.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Politicians and diapers need to be changed regularly, usually for the same reason.

Join the Army, travel the world, meet interesting people and kill them.

When everything comes your way you’re in the wrong lane.

Life is uncertain; always eat dessert first.

Half the people you know are below average.

Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Clever Sayings and Quotes

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. – Mark Twain

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. – Oscar Wilde

If I had known what it would be like to have it all – I might have been willing to settle for less. – Lily Tomlin

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. – Oscar Wilde

Get the facts first. You can distort them later. – Mark Twain

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane. – Oscar Wilde

Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits. – Mark Twain

I can resist everything except temptation. – Oscar Wilde

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. – Mark Twain

By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, journalism keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community. – Oscar Wilde

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times. – Mark Twain

A man can’t be too careful in the choice of his enemies. – Oscar Wilde

Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it. – Mark Twain

Success Quotes

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In the end, you’re measured not by how much you undertake but by what you finally accomplish. – Donald Trump

Part of being a winner is knowing when enough is enough. Sometimes you have to give up the fight and walk away, and move on to something that’s more productive. – Donald Trump

A man can succeed at almost anything for which he has unlimited enthusiasm. – Charles Schwab

I do not think that there is any other quality so essential to success of any kind as the quality of perseverance. It overcomes almost everything, even nature. – John D. Rockfeller

If you want to succeed you should strike out on new paths, rather than travel the worn paths of accepted success. – John D. Rockfeller

Singleness of purpose is one of the chief essentials for success in life, no matter what may be one’s aim. – John D. Rockfeller

The most important thing for a young man is to establish a credit… a reputation, character. – John D. Rockfeller

It’s fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure. – Bill Gates

Before everything else, getting ready is the secret of success. – Henry Ford

Enthusiasm is the yeast that makes your hopes shine to the stars. Enthusiasm is the sparkle in your eyes, the swing in your gait. The grip of your hand, the irresistible surge of will and energy to execute your ideas. – Henry Ford

If everyone is moving forward together, then success takes care of itself. – Henry Ford

If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own. – Henry Ford

A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him. – David Brinkley

Action is the foundational key to all success. – Pablo Picasso

Don’t aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally. – David Frost

Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success. – Dale Carnegie

I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. – Bill Cosby

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it. – W. C. Fields

The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary. – Vince Lombardi

In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure. – Bill Cosby

Most people give up just when they’re about to achieve success. They quit on the one yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game one foot from a winning touchdown. – Ross Perot

One secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes. – Benjamin Disraeli

People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing. – Dale Carnegie

If you believe in what you are doing, then let nothing hold you up in your work. Much of the best work of the world has been done against seeming impossibilities. The thing is to get the work done. – Dale Carnegie

Instead of worrying about what people say of you, why not spend time trying to accomplish something they will admire. – Dale Carnegie

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all. – Dale Carnegie

One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living. We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses that are blooming outside our windows today. – Dale Carnegie

The successful man will profit from his mistakes and try again in a different way. – Dale Carnegie

When fate hands you a lemon, make lemonade. – Dale Carnegie

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. – Winston Churchill

Success has a simple formula: do your best, and people may like it. – Sam Ewing

Success is blocked by concentrating on it and planning for it… Success is shy – it won’t come out while you’re watching. – Tennessee Williams

Success is like death. The more successful you become, the higher the houses in the hills get and the higer the fences get. – Kevin Spacey

Success is simple. Do what’s right, the right way, at the right time. – Arnold H. Glasow

Success is simply a matter of luck. Ask any failure. – Earl Wilson

Whatever you have, you must either use or lose.  – Henry Ford

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy. – Dale Carnegie

I try to learn from the past, but I plan for the future by focusing exclusively on the present. That’s were the fun is. – Donald Trump

Without passion you don’t have energy, without energy you have nothing. – Donald Trump

If you want to achieve things in life, you’ve just got to do them, and if you’re talented and smart, you’ll succeed. – Juliana Hatfield

Nice Quotes and Sayings

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The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others. – Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Don’t let one cloud obliterate the whole sky. – Anaïs Nin

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. – Mother Teresa

Whoever is happy will make others happy, too. – Anne Frank

The jump is so frightening between where I am and where I want to be.
Because of all I may become, I will close my eyes and leap. – Mary Anne Radmacher

Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties. – Helen Keller

Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world. – Helen Keller

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less. – Marie Curie

Happiness is often the result of being too busy to be miserable. – Anonymous

It is our choices … that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. – J. K. Rowling (Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets)

If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion. – Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

It is never too late to be what you might have been. – George Eliot [George Eliot was the pen name of English novelist Mary Anne Evans (1819-1880)]

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. – C. S. Lewis

I love you not only for what you are,
but for what I am when I am with you.
I love you not only for what you have made of yourself,
but for what you are making of me.
I love you for that part of me you bring out. – Roy Croft

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. – Anne Frank

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t. – Erica Jong

May today be your day to dance lightly with life
to sing wild songs of adventure,
to invite rainbows and butterflies out to play,
to soar your spirit and unfurl your joy. – Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Homework Quotes

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A lot of actors talk about doing their homework, but very few of them do it. – Tony Scott

Because I think a lot of people felt like, ultimately – and this isn’t the first time I’ve said this, so I’ll bore you again with it – but ultimately it was… I think it felt like homework a bit for people. – Will Arnett

Being a writer is like having homework every night for the rest of your life. – Lawrence Kasdan

But you know, there’s something about the kids finishing their homework in a given day, working one-on-one, getting all this attention – they go home, they’re finished. They don’t stall, they don’t do their homework in front of the TV. – Dave Eggers

For me, being a writer was never a choice. I was born one. All through my childhood I wrote short stories and stuffed them in drawers. I wrote on everything. I didn’t do my homework so I could write. – Laura Hillenbrand

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog. – Doug Larson

I did my homework and didn’t go out much, and had a very highly developed kitsch fantasy life where I dreamed of being a dancing girl. – Emily Mortimer

I don’t believe in sampling some Tibetan music just to make it sound groovy, but you do your homework, you understand what you’re doing with it. – Jessica Hagedorn

I get her to school, we do homework at night, and at this age, their social calendars are really quite hectic. She’s not driving yet, so I end up chauffeuring her around. – Charlene Tilton

I grew up in a house where nobody had to tell me to go to school every day and do my homework. – Constance Baker Motley

I guess I didn’t enjoy drawing very much. It was like homework. – Robert Crumb

I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework. – Lily Tomlin

I loved school, I loved putting on my uniform and doing homework every day. I was one of those good students that the teachers liked. I guess that’s got to be a pretty nerdy, geeky part of me. – Yvonne Strahovski

I think if you get asked to do this, then that’s called doing your homework, and I try and do it. – Mark Harmon

I was a total education geek. I loved school. I loved learning. I loved doing homework. All of my books and notebooks from high school are underlined and highlighted and there are notes all over the margins. And you know, I was a theater kid too. I was all over the place. – Sophia Bush

I went to work and did a lot of homework about what was wrong with me. – Margot Kidder

I will not go into a story unprepared. I will do my homework, and that’s something I learned at an early age. – Ed Bradley

I’m a mom, a full-time mom when I’m not taping. I do the carpool thing, and bake the cookies, and do the homework. – Vanna White

Looking back, I think we were all quite mature, surprisingly responsible. In earlier wars, boys of our age had just gone off to raise hell or enlist or both, but we stayed dutifully at our desks doing tomorrow’s homework. – John Knowles

5 Famous Romanian Quotes

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“The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference.” – Elie Wiesel (Romanian born, American Writer, Nobel Prize for Peace in 1986. b.1928)

“Leadership is an opportunity to serve. It is not a trumpet call to self-importance.” – J. Donald Walters (Romanian author, lecturer, and composer)

“Happiness is understanding that friendship is more precious than mere things, more precious than getting your own way, more precious than being in situations where true principles are not at stake.” – J. Donald Walters (Romanian author, lecturer, and composer)

“Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing.” – Elie Wiesel (Romanian born, American Writer, Nobel Prize for Peace in 1986. b.1928)

“The secret of happiness is the determination to be happy always, rather than wait for outer circumstances to make one happy.” – J. Donald Walters (Romanian author, lecturer, and composer)