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Famous People Quotes #10

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“The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.” – George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

“Silence is argument carried out by other means.” – Ernesto”Che”Guevara (1928-1967)

“Well done is better than well said.” – Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)

“The average person thinks he isn’t.” – Father Larry Lorenzoni

“Heav’n hath no rage like love to hatred turn’d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn’d.” – William Congreve (1670-1729)

“A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.” – Helen Rowland (1876-1950)

“Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.” – Lewis Perelman

“Dogma is the sacrifice of wisdom to consistency.” – Lewis Perelman

“Sometimes it is not enough to do our best; we must do what is required.” – Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

“The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.” – Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)

“There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.” – Sigfried Hulzer

“Ask her to wait a moment – I am almost done.” – Carl Friedrich Gauss (1777-1855), while working, when informed that his wife is dying

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” – Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

“I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.” – Thomas Watson (1874-1956), Chairman of IBM, 1943

“I think it would be a good idea.” – Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948), when asked what he thought of Western civilization

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” – Edmund Burke (1729-1797)

“I’m not a member of any organized political party, I’m a Democrat!” – Will Rogers (1879-1935)

“If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?” – Will Rogers (1879-1935)

“The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.” – Von Clausewitz (1780-1831)

“Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions – it only guarantees equality of opportunity.” – Irving Kristol

“There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.” – Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

“The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C’, the idea must be feasible.” – A Yale University management professor in response to student Fred Smith‘s paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service (Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.)

“Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?” – H. M. Warner (1881-1958), founder of Warner Brothers, in 1927

“We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.” – Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962

“Everything that can be invented has been invented.” – Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899

“Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt.” – Mark Twain (1835-1910)

“A pint of sweat saves a gallon of blood.” – General George S. Patton (1885-1945)

“After I’m dead I’d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.” – Cato the Elder (234-149 BC, AKA Marcus Porcius Cato)

“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” – Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)

“Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.” – last words of Pancho Villa (1877-1923)

“The right to swing my fist ends where the other man’s nose begins.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes (1841-1935)

“The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.” – Tom Clancy

“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.” – Mark Twain (1835-1910)

“It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.” – Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527), “The Prince”

“Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.” – Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)

“The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.” – Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live

“We’re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.” – Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

“Half this game is ninety percent mental.” – Yogi Berra

“There is only one nature – the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.” – Bill Wulf

“There’s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.” – Flannery O’Connor (1925-1964)

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.” – Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

“Write drunk; edit sober.” – Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)

“I criticize by creation – not by finding fault.” – Cicero (106-43 B.C.)

“Love is friendship set on fire.” – Jeremy Taylor

“God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” – Robin Williams, commenting on the Clinton/Lewinsky affair

“My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.” – Unibomber Theodore Kaczynski, when asked in court what his current profession was

“Woman was God’s second mistake.” – Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

“This isn’t right, this isn’t even wrong.” – Wolfgang Pauli (1900-1958), upon reading a young physicist’s paper

“For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.” – Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)

“Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.” – Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)

“Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.” – Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)

“Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.” – Voltaire (1694-1778) on his deathbed in response to a priest asking that he renounce Satan.

“Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.” – Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

“He would make a lovely corpse.” – Charles Dickens (1812-1870)

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” – Irvin S. Cobb

“I worship the quicksand he walks in.” – Art Buchwald

“Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.” – Mark Twain (1835-1910)

“A poem is never finished, only abandoned.” – Paul Valery (1871-1945)

“We are not retreating – we are advancing in another Direction.” – General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964)

“If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?” – Seymour Cray (1925-1996), father of supercomputing

“#3 pencils and quadrille pads.” – Seymoure Cray (1925-1996) when asked what CAD tools he used to design the Cray I supercomputer; he also recommended using the back side of the pages so that the grid lines were not so dominant.

“Interesting – I use a Mac to help me design the next Cray.” – Seymoure Cray (1925-1996) when he was told that Apple Inc. had recently bought a Cray supercomputer to help them design the next Mac.

“Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.” – Pierre Laplace (1749-1827), to Napoleon on why his works on celestial mechanics make no mention of God.

“I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don’t need.” – Francois-Auguste Rodin (1840-1917), when asked how he managed to make his remarkable statues

“The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.” – Mark Twain (1835-1910)

“The truth is more important than the facts.” – Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)

“Research is what I’m doing when I don’t know what I’m doing.” – Wernher Von Braun (1912-1977)

“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.” – Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” – Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

Birthday Quotes

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Celebrate your birthday with a great portion of enjoyable birthday quotes.

“Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.” –Samuel Ullman

“At age 20, we worry about what others think of us. At 40, we don’t care what they think of us. At 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all.” –Ann Landers

“Maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had, and what you’ve learned from them, and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.” –Unknown

“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” –Abraham Lincoln

“It takes a long time to grow young.” –Pablo Picasso

“We turn not older with years, but newer every day.” – Emily Dickinson

“One of the signs of passing youth is the birth of a sense of fellowship with other human beings as we take our place among them.” –Virginia Woolf

“May you live all the days of your life.” –Jonathan Swift

“Old people are fond of giving good advice; it consoles them for no longer being capable of setting a bad example.” –Francois De La Rochefoucauld

“Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.” –Caryn Leschen

“The follies which a man regrets most in his life are those which he didn’t commit when he had the opportunity.” – Helen Rowland

“You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear; as young as your hope, as old as your despair.” –Douglas MacArthur

“Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.” –George Bernard Shaw

“Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.” –Bob Hope

“Middle age: The time when you’ll do anything to feel better, except give up what is hurting you.” –Robert Quillen

“Growing old is a bad habit which a busy man has no time to form.” –Andre Maurois

“You can’t turn back the clock. But you can wind it up again.” –Bonnie Prudden

“In spite of illness, in spite even of the archenemy sorrow, one can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things, and happy in small ways.” –Edith Wharton

“For the first half of your life, people tell you what you should do; for the second half, they tell you what you should have done.” – Richard Needham

“The years teach much which the days never knew.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

“A man’s age is something impressive, it sums up his life: maturity reached slowly and against many obstacles, illnesses cured, griefs and despairs overcome, and unconscious risks taken; maturity formed through so many desires, hopes, regrets, forgotten things, loves. A man’s age represents a fine cargo of experiences and memories.” –Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

“There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward.” – John Mortimer

“We are happier in many ways when we are old than when we were young. The young sow wild oats. The old grow sage.” –Sir Winston Churchill

“Men are like wine: some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.” –Pope John XXIII

“Though we seem grieved at the shortness of life in general, we are wishing every period of it at an end. The minor longs to be at age, then to be a man of business, then to make up an estate, then to arrive at honors, then to retire.” –Joseph Addison

“You have been warned against letting the golden hours slip by. Yes, but some of them are golden only because we let them slip by.” –James Barrie

Funny Humorous and Love Quotes

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Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell. – Joan Crawford

It’s been so long since I made love, I can’t even remember who gets tied up. – Joan Rivers

Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name. – Joan Rivers

You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover’s arms can only come later when you’re sure they won’t laugh if you trip. – Jonathan Carroll

No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn’t take the first pill that comes along. – Joyce Brothers

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married. – Katharine Hepburn

True love is like seeing ghosts; we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one. – La Rochefoucauld

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question. – Lily Tomlin

The only people who make love all the time are liars. – Louis Jordan

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby. – Natalie Wood

Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman. – Oscar Wilde

Love is a grave mental disease. – Plato

Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with? – Rita Rudner

Forget love, I’d rather fall in chocolate. – Sandra J. Dykes

All marriages are happy. It’s trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems. – Shelley Winters

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy. – Steve Martin

A love without indiscretion is no lover at all. – Thomas Hardy

Marriage is a great institution for those who like institutions. – Tommy Dewar

Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species. – W. Somerset Maugham

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. – Walt Disney

Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. – Woody Allen

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty. – Woody Allen

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best. – Woody Allen

Best Motivational Quotes

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By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. – Robert Frost

Life is like a ten-speed bicycle. Most of us have gears we never use. – Charles Schulz

Opportunity is always knocking. The problem is that most people have the self-doubt station in their head turned up way too loud to hear it. – Brian Vaszily

Some people develop a wishbone where their back bone should be. – Anonymous

Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times. – Helen Rowland

You grow up the day you have your first real laugh – at yourself. – Ethel Barrymore

Opportunity dances with those who are already on the dance floor. – Jackson Brown

I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early. – Yogi Berra

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying. – Oscar Wilde

I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock. – Henny Youngman

Burn your computer. Blow up your TV. Bludgeon your cell phone. Breathe deeply. This, my friends, is the secret to inner-peace. – Brian Vaszily

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily. – Zig Ziglar

God is dead – Nietzsche Nietzsche is dead. – God

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions. – Unknown

A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory. – Unknown

Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce. – Unknown

I’ve developed a new philosophy… I only dread one day at a time. – Charles Schulz

None of us is as dumb as all of us. – Unknown

Many of us spend half our time wishing for things we could have if we didn’t spend half our time wishing. – Alexander Woollcott

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That’ll do them in. – Unknown

I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages. – William Mauldin

If I had a dollar for every time someone came to me with not only a problem but also a possible solution to that problem, I’d have six dollars. – Brian Vaszily

Always remember that you are unique. Just like everybody else. – Unknown

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. – Dale Carnegie

To do is to be. – Descartes

To be is to do. – Voltaire

Do be do be do. – Frank Sinatra

Funny Love Quotes

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Shopping is better than sex. At least if you’re not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like. – Adrienne Gusoff

An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. – Agatha Christie

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
So each is inevitably disappointed. – Albert Einstein

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity. – Albert Einstein

Men make the highs higher and the lows more frequent. – Anonymous

You know it’s love when you want to keep holding hands even after you’re sweaty. – Anonymous

The four most important words in any marriage…”I’ll do the dishes.” – Anonymous

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. – Anonymous

Marriage is like jogging through a puddle of industrial strength rubber glue. You can work hard and make it through the struggles; however, you usually leave your bobby socks and sneakers behind along the way. – Anonymous

When a relationship goes flat, so does a couple of sets of car tires. – Anonymous

Men only have two faults….What they do, and what they say! – Anonymous

You can’t buy love on eBay. – Anonymous

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it? – Bette Midler

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him. – Brendan Francis

Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch. – Cathy Carlyle

Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter. – Cecilia Egan

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing — and then marry him. – Cher

Men aren’t necessities, they’re luxuries. – Cher

By the time you swear you’re his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is infinite, undying –
Lady, make note of this: One of you is lying. – Dorothy Parker

I’m always looking for meaningful one night stands. – Dudley Moore

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. – Erma Bombeck

Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. – Fran Lebowitz

It is impossible to love and be wise. – Francis Bacon

Marriage marks the end of many short follies – being one long stupidity. – Friedrich Nietzsche

Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery. – Fulton J. Sheen

Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it. – George Carlin

Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one. – Glenn Beck

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. – Helen Rowland

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy. – Henry Kissinger

When we got married I told my wife “If you leave me, I’m going with you.” And she never did. – James Fineous McBride

Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house. – Jean Kerr

Broken Trust Quotes

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* Love all, trust a few. ~ William Shakespeare
* I don’t really trust a sane person. ~ Lyle Alzado
* People ask me why it’s so hard to trust people, and I ask them why is it so hard to keep a promise.~ Unknown
* Where large sums of money are concerned, it is advisable to trust nobody. ~ Agatha Christie
* Trust everybody, but cut the cards. ~ Finley Peter Dunne
* Never trust a husband too far, nor a bachelor too near. ~ Helen Rowland
* Trust him not with your secrets, who, when left alone in your room, turns over your papers. ~ Johann Kaspar Lavater
* Never trust the advice of a man in difficulties. ~ Aesop
* I don’t trust him. We’re friends. ~ Bertolt Brecht
* I trust everyone. I just don’t trust the devil inside them. ~ Troy Kennedy-Martin, The Italian Job
* Love is unconditional, relationships are not. ~ Grant Gudmundson
* Trust no one unless you have eaten much salt with him. ~ Cicero
* In God we trust, all others we virus scan. ~ Author Unknown

Funny Quotes

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– “My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic.” – Spike Milligan

– “My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.” – Jay London

– “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.” – Ellen DeGeneres

– “My inner child is not wounded.” – Shannen Doherty

– “My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.” – Mike Myers

– “Never fight an inanimate object.” – P. J. O’Rourke

– “Never floss with a stranger.” – Joan Rivers

– “Never have more children than you have car windows.” – Erma Bombeck

– “Never raise your hand to your children – it leaves your midsection unprotected.” – Robert Orben

– “Never wear anything that panics the cat.” – P. J. O’Rourke

– “Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.” – H. L. Mencken

– “O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.” – Saint Augustine

– “Oh, the tiger will love you. There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” – George Bernard Shaw

– “Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben

– “One man’s folly is another man’s wife.” – Helen Rowland

– “Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.” – Laurence J. Peter

– “Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.” – Lewis Mumford

– “Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.” – Samuel Butler

– “Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.” – Chevy Chase

– “People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.” – Ellen DeGeneres

50 funny quotes

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1. “Borrow money from a pessimist – they don’t expect it back” – Unknown

2. “Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot.” – Unknown

3. “Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.” – Unknown

4. “I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” – Oscar Wilde

5. “Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” – Homer Simpson

6. “I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – Whitney Brown

7. “When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.” – Albert Einstein

8. “Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them is making a poop, the other one is carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge.” – Jerry Seinfeld

9. “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like «Psychic Wins Lottery» ?” – Jay Leno

10. “One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.” – George W. Bush

11. “Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back.” – Al Bundy

12. “The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.” – Albert Einstein

13. “My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates

14. “Gas is getting so expensive I’m gonna ride a mexican to work.” – Chris Rock

15. “Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little
bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.” – Jerry Seinfeld

16. “Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.” – John Peers

17. “I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.” – Steve Martin

18. “Only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.” – Lyndon B. Johnson

19. “Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.” – Bill Cosbey

20. “If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” – George Carlin

21. “If you are going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill

22. “Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” – Mark Twain

23. “If you love your job, you haven’t worked a day in your life.” – Tommy Lasorda

24. “A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.” – Steven Wright

25. “You tried, and you failed, so the lesson is, never try.” – Homer J. Simpson

26. “Every man is guilty of all the good he didn’t do.” – Voltaire

27. “When an actor marries an actress they both fight for the mirror.” – Burt Reynolds

28. “Absence — that common cure of love.” – Miguel De Cervantes

29. “Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.” – Wendell Johnson

30. “It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.” – Weinberg

31. “As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take the course he will. He will be sure to repent.” – Socrates

32. “A husband is what’s left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.” – Helen Rowland

33. “Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.” – Cordel Hull

34. “I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.” – Winston Churchill

35. “There are three faithful friends — an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.” – Benjamin Franklin

36. “The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate.” – Franklin P. Jones

37. “All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should
have been more specific.” – Jane Wagner

38. “The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new
discoveries, is not «Eureka!» (I found it!) but «That’s funny …» ” – Isaac Asimov

39. “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde

40. “Doing nothing is very hard to do … you never know when you’re finished.” – Leslie Nielsen

41. “The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work.” – Robert Frost

42. “The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.” – Arthur Schopenhauer

43. “An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets the more interested he is in her.” – Agatha Christie

44. “I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.” – Groucho Marx

45. “Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.” – Mae West

46. “Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” – Benjamin Franklin

47. “Dancing: the vertical expression of a horizontal desire.” – George Bernard Shaw

48. “Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.” – Woody Allen

49. “All women are good – good for nothing, or good for something.” – Miguel De Cervantes

50. “Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers