Friendship Quotes – a large collection of famous and inspirational quotes

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Funny Quotes and Sayings

Let’s make our day better with some great funny quotes and sayings. I will appreciate if you choose your favorite and write it in a comment. Thank you!

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station…

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

funny quotes and sayingsI go to bed late every night and I realize it was bad idea every morning.

I always wanted to be someone. I see now that I should have been more specific.

I don’t fail, I succeed in finding what does not work.

Women worry about the things that men forget. Men worry about the things that women remember.

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to, unless you’re in prison.

I’m not lazy, I’m just highly motivated not to do anything.

God must love stupid people. He made SO many.

Eventually people will realize that mistakes are meant for learning, not repeating.

When you’re sober you think twice before you speak, but when you’re drunk you speak twice before you think.

Cute Quotes for Girls

I don’t believe in love because I still don’t have you! – Author Unknown

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. – Ingrid Bergman

When the eyes meet and hold strongly they are bound to meet again. – Author Unknown

You know it’s love when you want to keep holding hands even after you’re sweaty. – Author Unknown

Kiss that’s never tasted is forever and ever wasted. – Billie Holiday

Sometimes the perfect person for you is that whom you least expected to be. – Author Unknown

Love is like dew that falls on both nettles and lilies. – Swedish Proverb

Two hearts, two minds, in time did find one love, one aim two paths the same. Hold fast…and love will last. – Author Unknown

Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness. – Oliver Wendell Holmes

Even if courage fails you, tell that special someone that you love them in anyway possible. – Author Unknown

To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance. – Oscar Wilde

Cute love is an attempt to change a piece of dream into reality. – Author Unknown

Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. – Albert Einstein

Women are made to be loved, not understood. – Oscar Wilde

Men and Women Quotes

“A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.” – Robert Frost

“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” – Albert Einstein

“Men are what their mothers made them.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Male and female represent the two sides of the great radical dualism. But in fact they are perpetually passing into one another. Fluid hardens to solid, solid rushes to fluid. There is no wholly masculine man, no purely feminine woman.” – Margaret Fuller

“If women are expected to do the same work as men, we must teach them the same things.” – Plato

“For most of history, ‘Anonymous’ was a woman.” – Virginia Woolf

“Women are made to be loved, not understood.” – Oscar Wilde

“There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.” – Will Rogers

“Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think – in a deeper voice.” – Bill Cosby

“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” – Timothy Leary

Funny Jokes Quotes

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

Famous Women Quotes

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. – Judy Garland

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence. – Helen Keller

Life must be lived and curiosity kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life. – Eleanor Roosevelt

I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition. – Martha Washington

The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams. – Oprah Winfrey

What I am looking for is not out there, it is in me. – Helen Keller

It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter. – Marlene Dietrich

The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate. – Oprah Winfrey

Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow. – Helen Keller

The miracle is not that we do this work, but that we are happy to do it. – Mother Teresa

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Understand that the right to choose your own path is a sacred privilege. Use it. Dwell in possibility. – Oprah Winfrey

The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision. – Helen Keller

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. – Mother Teresa

The heresy of one age becomes the orthodoxy of the next. – Helen Keller

Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough. – Oprah Winfrey

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Inspirational Quotes by Women

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t. – Erica Jong

Courage doesn’t always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
at the end of the day, saying,
“I will try again tomorrow.” – Mary Anne Radmacher

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass… It’s about learning how to dance in the rain. – Vivian Greene

Start living now. Stop saving the good china for that special occasion. Stop withholding your love until that special person materializes. Every day you are alive is a special occasion. Every minute, every breath, is a gift from God. – Mary Manin Morrissey

With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. – Melody Beattie

As we work to create light for others, we naturally light our own way. – Mary Anne Radmacher

No one can find inner peace except by working, not in a self-centered way, but for the whole human family. – Peace Pilgrim

All the world is full of suffering. It is also full of overcoming. – Helen Keller

The jump is so frightening between where I am and where I want to be. Because of all I may become, I will close my eyes and leap. – Mary Anne Radmacher

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less. – Marie Curie

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. – Maya Angelou

The simplification of life is one of the steps to inner peace. A persistent simplification will create an inner and outer well-being that places harmony in one’s life. – Peace Pilgrim

Every thought we think is creating our future. – Louise L. Hay

Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Famous Quotes by Women

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. – Marianne Williamson

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage. – Anaïs Nin

Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves to recognize how good things really are. – Marianne Williamson

Don’t let one cloud obliterate the whole sky. – Anaïs Nin

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed it is the only thing that ever has. – Margaret Mead

We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are. – Anaïs Nin

He who believes is strong; he who doubts is weak. Strong convictions precede great actions. – Louisa May Alcott

One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar. – Helen Keller

You must do the things you think you cannot do. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world. – Helen Keller

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. – Anne Frank

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. – Helen Keller

When you cease to make a contribution, you begin to die. – Eleanor Roosevelt

Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties. – Helen Keller

It’s the friends you can call up at 4 a.m. that matter. – Marlene Dietrich

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart. – Helen Keller

If you judge people, you have no time to love them. – Mother Teresa

The marvelous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were no limitations to overcome. – Helen Keller

Peace begins with a smile. – Mother Teresa

Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties. – Helen Keller

Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty. – Mother Teresa

True happiness… is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose. – Helen Keller

Let us not be satisfied with just giving money. Money is not enough, money can be got, but they need your hearts to love them. So, spread your love everywhere you go. – Mother Teresa

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. – Helen Keller

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. – Helen Keller

I’m not afraid of storms for I’m learning how to sail my ship. – Louisa May Alcott

Dreams are necessary to life. – Anais Nin

Science may have found a cure for most evils; but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all — the apathy of human beings. – Helen Keller

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. – Anaïs Nin

You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best that you have to give. – Eleanor Roosevelt

It is never too late to be what you might have been. – George Eliot [George Eliot was the pen name of English novelist Mary Anne Evans (1819-1880)]

People living deeply have no fear of death. – Anaïs Nin

It is our choices … that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. – J. K. Rowling (Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets)

Never allow a person to tell you No who doesn’t have the power to say Yes. – Eleanor Roosevelt

When we blindly adopt a religion, a political system, a literary dogma, we become automatons. We cease to grow. – Anaïs Nin

Funny Love Quotes

Shopping is better than sex. At least if you’re not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like. – Adrienne Gusoff

An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. – Agatha Christie

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
So each is inevitably disappointed. – Albert Einstein

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity. – Albert Einstein

Men make the highs higher and the lows more frequent. – Anonymous

You know it’s love when you want to keep holding hands even after you’re sweaty. – Anonymous

The four most important words in any marriage…”I’ll do the dishes.” – Anonymous

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying. – Anonymous

Marriage is like jogging through a puddle of industrial strength rubber glue. You can work hard and make it through the struggles; however, you usually leave your bobby socks and sneakers behind along the way. – Anonymous

When a relationship goes flat, so does a couple of sets of car tires. – Anonymous

Men only have two faults….What they do, and what they say! – Anonymous

You can’t buy love on eBay. – Anonymous

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it? – Bette Midler

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him. – Brendan Francis

Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch. – Cathy Carlyle

Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter. – Cecilia Egan

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing — and then marry him. – Cher

Men aren’t necessities, they’re luxuries. – Cher

By the time you swear you’re his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is infinite, undying –
Lady, make note of this: One of you is lying. – Dorothy Parker

I’m always looking for meaningful one night stands. – Dudley Moore

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. – Erma Bombeck

Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. – Fran Lebowitz

It is impossible to love and be wise. – Francis Bacon

Marriage marks the end of many short follies – being one long stupidity. – Friedrich Nietzsche

Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery. – Fulton J. Sheen

Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it. – George Carlin

Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one. – Glenn Beck

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. – Helen Rowland

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There’s too much fraternizing with the enemy. – Henry Kissinger

When we got married I told my wife “If you leave me, I’m going with you.” And she never did. – James Fineous McBride

Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house. – Jean Kerr

Funny Women T-Shirt Sayings

Don’t piss me off! I’m running out of places to hide the bodies.

Guys have feelings too. But like… who cares?

I don’t believe in miracles. I rely on them.

Next mood swing: 6 minutes.

I hate everybody, and you’re next.

Please don’t make me kill you.

And your point is…?

I used to be schizophrenic, but we’re ok now.

I’m busy. You’re ugly. Have a nice day.

Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

Remember my name – you’ll be screaming it later.

You KNOW you want me.

Don’t worry. It’ll only seem kinky the first time…

Of course I don’t look busy… I did it right the first time.

Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?

I’m multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

You, me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions?

Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.

You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.

All stressed out and no one to choke.

I’m one of those bad things that happen to good people.

How can I miss you if you won’t go away?

Sorry if I looked interested. I’m not.

If we are what we eat, I’m fast, cheap and easy.

Nobody knows I’m not wearing underwear.

I’m out of estrogen and I have a gun.

Cry Quotes

– “A woman can laugh and cry in three seconds and it’s not weird. But if a man does it, it’s very disturbing. The way I’d describe it is like this: I have been allowed inside the house of womanhood, but I feel that they wouldn’t let me in any of the interesting rooms.” – Rob Schneider

– “All the powers in the universe are already ours. It is we who have put our hands before our eyes and cry that it is dark.” – Swami Vivekananda

– “Also there is a twist to the story as I’m being haunted and driven crazy, attacked and so on. All I seem to do is run and scream and cry in every scene.” – Bo Derek

– “Am I now supposed to go on Oprah and cry and tell you my deepest, darkest secrets because you want to know?” – Kevin Spacey

– “An onion can make people cry but there’s never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.” – Will Rogers

– “And I have to work so hard at talking positively to myself. If I don’t, it’s just real hard to get through the day, and I’ll get really down, and just want to cry. My whole body language changes. I get more slumped over.” – Delta Burke

– “And I remember going to the record studio and there was a park across the street and I’d see all the children playing and I would cry because it would make me sad that I would have to work instead.” – Michael Jackson

– “And there are certain things, and they are evident, obviously, without being boring about it, but I mean obviously, the two evident and easy ones being Gandhi and Cry Freedom, there are things which I do care about very much and which I would like to stand up and be counted.” – Richard Attenborough

– “Any beast can cry over the misfortunes of its own child. It takes a mensch to weep for others’ children.” – Sam Levenson

– “Anything where people have to work together makes me cry.” – Brenda Blethyn

– “At Christmas, It’s a Wonderful Life makes me cry in exactly the same places every time, even though I know it’s coming.” – Nicholas Lea

– “Because of you, I’m running out of reasons to cry.” – Shakira

– “Between 2 and 3 in the morning of the 19th inst. I was aroused by the cry that the enemy was upon us.” – Richard Francis Burton

– “Beware of men who cry. It’s true that men who cry are sensitive to and in touch with feelings, but the only feelings they tend to be sensitive to and in touch with are their own.” – Nora Ephron

– “Blues is a natural fact, is something that a fellow lives. If you don’t live it you don’t have it. Young people have forgotten to cry the blues. Now they talk and get lawyers and things.” – Big Bill Broonzy

– “Boast is always a cry of despair, except in the young it is a cry of hope.” – Bernard Berenson

– “But I loved the script to 7th Heaven and couldn’t say no. It made me laugh and cry, and I was hooked. I’d love to know who turned it down, because I’m sure at least one other actor did. But I’m glad he did, whoever it was.” – Stephen Collins