Tag: H. L. Mencken

Moving On Quotes

Posted on September 11, 2011 by

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up… it means moving on. – Anonymous

My Mama always said you’ve got to put the past behind you before you can move on. – the movie Forrest Gump

It is only through labor and painful effort, by grim energy and resolute courage, that we move on to better things. – Theodore Roosevelt

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving. – Albert Einstein

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. – Albert Einstein

Forgive yourself for your faults and your mistakes and move on. – Les Brown

Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on. – Bob Newhart

We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths. – Walt Disney

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, Begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it, Begin it now. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Achievement seems to be connected with action. Successful men and women keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don’t quit. – Conrad Hilton

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. – Anonymous

You are responsible for your life. You can’t keep blaming somebody else for your dysfunction. Life is really about moving on. – Oprah Winfrey

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. – Helen Keller

Before moving on, you have to clear away your cherished beliefs. – Dick Raymond

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass. It’s about learning how to dance in the rain. – Vivian Greene

Part of being a winner is knowing when enough is enough. Sometimes you have to give up the fight and walk away, and move on to something that’s more productive. – Donald Trump

Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth. – John F. Kennedy

You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life. – Winston Churchill

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference. – Reinhold Niebuhr

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up… it means moving on. – Anonymous

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. – Lao Tzu

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what’s bitter and move on. – Bill Cosby

Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go. – Hermann Hesse

It is our choices … that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. – J. K. Rowling (Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets)

With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts. – Eleanor Roosevelt

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. – C. S. Lewis

Every wall is a door. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom. – Rabindranath Tagore

Love one another but make not a bond of love. Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. – Khalil Gibran

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. – Erma Bombeck

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop. – H. L. Mencken

Forget love… I’d rather fall in chocolate. – Anonymous

Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species. – W. Somerset Maugham

August Love Quotes

Posted on August 21, 2011 by

“Love is like swallowing hot chocolate before it has cooled off. It takes you by surprise at first, but keeps you warm for a long time.” ~ Unknown

“Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.” ~Thomas Fuller

“Love is blind but after experiencing it for a long time you should become familiar with some particular spots.” ~Unknown

“Romance is the fuel that keeps love burning hot.” ~Rusty Silvey

“Two souls with but a single thought, two hearts that beat as one.” ~John Keats

“The most powerful symptom of love is a tenderness which becomes at times almost insupportable.” ~Victor Hugo

“Love – a bare whisper that makes your body ignite with such uncontrollable curiosity.” ~Unknown

“Love is like a piece of art work, even the smallest bit can be so beautiful.” ~ Stacie Cunningham

“I love you; not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.” ~ Roy Croft

“Take away love, and our earth is a tomb.” ~ Robert Browning

“I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach…” ~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

“The closer I’m bound in love to you, the closer I am to free.” ~Robert G. Ingersoll

“Those who love deeply never grow old.” ~Anonymous

“In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities.” ~Janos Arnay

Someone sent me this, “He is the only reason I get up in the mornings” ~Unknown

“There can be no happiness equal to the joy of finding a heart that understands.”~Victor Robinson

“The only true gift is a portion of yourself.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Love is just a word until it is proven to you.” ~Unknown

“In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing.” ~Mignon McLaughlin

“Love and marriage, love and marriage go together like a horse and carriage. Dad was told by mother. You can’t have one without the other.” ~Sammy Cahn

“Love is the master key that opens the gates of happiness.” ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

“At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.” ~Plato

“Love is a choice you make from moment to moment.” ~Barbara De Angelis

“Friendship is certainly the finest balm for the pangs of disappointed love.” ~Jane Austen

“You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.” ~Melanie Clark

“She walks in Beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies,
And all that’s best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes…” ~ Lord Byron

“Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.” ~H. L. Mencken

“True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.” ~Erich Segal

“We can only learn to love by loving.” ~Iris Murdoch

“It is impossible to love and be wise.” ~ Francis Bacon

“A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.” ~Ingrid Bergman

“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” ~Albert Einstein

“Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.” ~Ambrose Bierce

“Marriage marks the end of many short follies – being one long stupidity.” ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Immature love says, “I love you because I need you.” Mature love says, “I need you because I love you.” ~Erich Fromm

“That Love is all there is, Is all we know of Love.” ~Emily Dickinson

“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” ~ Abraham Lincoln

“Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die.” ~Amelia Burr

“When love is in excess it brings a man no honor nor worthiness.” ~Euripides

10 Funny Wisdom Quotes

Posted on April 27, 2011April 27, 2011 by

“All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.” – H. L. Mencken

“If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?” – Scott Adams

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” – Oscar Wilde

“Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.” – Anonymous

“Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.” – Cullen Hightower

“Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.” – John Wilmot

“I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.” – Anonymous

“I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – A. Whitney

“I’ve gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller’s parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her.” – New York City detective

“Remember: Don’t Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.” – Anonymous

10 Famous Wisdom Quotes

Posted on April 7, 2011 by

1. Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. – Joan Crawford

2. Where there is love, there is pain. – Spanish Proverb

3. It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. – Alfred Lord Tennyson

4. Comedy is an escape not from the truth but from despair; a narrow escape into faith. – Christopher Fry

5. I like a man who grins when he fights. – Winston Churchill

6. Even on the road to hell, flowers can make you smile. – Deng Ming-Dao

7. Anyone can hate. It costs to love. – John Williamson

8. True is the grief you carry without witnesses. – Marcus Martialis

9. I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. – Groucho Marx

10. It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. – H. L. Mencken

Life Quotes

Posted on April 2, 2011 by

In Europe, now it is morning. It’s 9 AM. I dare you to start this perfect day with some great life quotes.

“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

“Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you’re alive, it isn’t.” – Richard Bach

“I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.” – E. B. White

“I have a simple philosophy: Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. Scratch where it itches.” – Alice Roosevelt Longworth

“I love life because what more is there.” – Anthony Hopkins

“I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.” – John Burroughs

“The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.” – William James

“Only a few things are really important.” – Marie Dressler

“I think I’ve discovered the secret of life-you just hang around until you get used to it.” – Charles M. Schulz

“May you live every day of your life.” – Jonathan Swift

“The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing.” – Marcus Aurelius

“The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line.” – H. L. Mencken

“The fear of life is the favorite disease of the 20th century.” – William Lyon Phelps

“The perfect normal person is rare in our civilization.” – Karen Horney

Funny Love Quotes

Posted on March 30, 2011 by

Let’s make our day better with some wonderful funny love quotes.

“A light heart lives long.” – William Shakespeare

“Never go to bed mad — stay up and fight.” – Phyllis Diller

“To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.” – H.L. Mencken

“Once you have loved someone, you’d do anything in the world for them… except love them again.” – Anonymous

“Love is like war: Easy to begin but hard to end.” – Anonymous

“Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion.” – Mirabeau

“Three things can’t be hidden: coughing, poverty, and love.” – Yiddish proverb

“The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed.” – Chamfort

“I detest ‘love lyrics.’ I think one of the causes of bad mental health in the United States is that people have been raised on ‘love lyrics.” – Frank Zappa

“You’d be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.” – Dolly Parton

“I should like to see any kind of a man, distinguishable from a gorilla, that some good and even pretty woman could not shape a husband out of.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

“A woman might as well propose: her husband will claim she did.” – Edgar Watson Howe

“I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor’s eighth husband on her wedding night: I know what I’m supposed to do…I just have to figure out a way to make it interesting.” – many attributions

“No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.” – unknown

“An old man who marries a young wife grows younger – but she grows older.” – folk saying

“It is not uncommon for slight acquaintances to get married, but a couple really have to know each other to get divorced.” – Anonymous

“What female heart can despise gold?” – Thomas Gray

“A lady of 47 who has been married 27 years and has six children knows what love really is and once described it for me like this: ‘Love is what you’ve been through with somebody.'” – James Thurber

“I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” – Rita Rudner

“We cannot really love anybody without whom we never laugh.” – Alice Reppler

Clever Quotes

Posted on December 15, 2010 by

Funny Clever Quotes

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. – Groucho Marx

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. – Mark Twain

I intend to live forever, or die trying. – Groucho Marx

Familiarity breeds contempt – and children. – Mark Twain

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. – Mel Brooks

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it. – Groucho Marx

The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath. – W. C. Fields

Golf is a good walk spoiled. – Mark Twain

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know. – Groucho Marx

It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog. – Mark Twain

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying. – Oscar Wilde

It ain’t what they call you, it’s what you answer to. – W. C. Fields

Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said. – Mel Brooks

Too clever is dumb.- Ogden Nash

Clever Quotes on Life

Life is too important to be taken seriously. – Oscar Wilde

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain and most fools do. – Benjamin Franklin

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes? – Groucho Marx

Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead. – Benjamin Franklin

Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted. – John Lennon

Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. – Anonymous

Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment.
Cleverness is mere opinion, bewilderment is intuition. – Jalal al-Din Rumi

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again. – Robert A. Heinlein

A clever man commits no minor blunders. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. – Groucho Marx

A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. – H. L. Mencken

Clever Quotes about Life

The road to success is always under construction. – Lily Tomlin

Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas. – H. L. Mencken

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile. – Albert Schweitzer

Old age is fifteen years older than I am. – Oliver Wendell Holmes

A man likes his wife to be just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness, and just stupid enough to admire it. – Israel Zangwill

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. – Isaac Asimov

Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them. – Walter Kerr

Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe. – Albert Einstein

I never make stupid mistakes. Only very, very clever ones. – John Peel

I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! – Tom Lehrer

Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it. – Tom Lehrer

If you’re alive you’ve got to flap your arms and legs, you’ve got to jump around a lot, for life is the very opposite of death, and therefore you must at very least think noisy and colorfully, or you’re not alive. – Mel Brooks

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. – sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt, Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson, but…

Clever Quotes for Facebook

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce. – Groucho Marx

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. – Robert Frost

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution? – H. L. Mencken

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. – H. L. Mencken

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. – H. L. Mencken

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop. – H. L. Mencken

Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull. – H. L. Mencken

Clever Sayings for Facebook

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. – Benjamin Franklin

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. – Oscar Wilde

One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry. – Oscar Wilde

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. – George Burns

Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache. – Mae West

Clever Sayings

Don’t let schooling interfere with your education. – Mark Twain

Be careful not to do your good deeds when there’s no one watching you. – Tom Lehrer

The lack of money is the root of all evil. – Mark Twain

A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth. – Will Rogers

Clever Phrases

To the best of my knowledge the following clever phrases are all anonymous. Come to think of it, would anyone really admit to writing any of these clever phrases?

The light at the end of the tunnel may be an oncoming train.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

I love my attitude problem.

Some days you’re the dog, and some days you’re the hydrant.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Politicians and diapers need to be changed regularly, usually for the same reason.

Join the Army, travel the world, meet interesting people and kill them.

When everything comes your way you’re in the wrong lane.

Life is uncertain; always eat dessert first.

Half the people you know are below average.

Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Clever Sayings and Quotes

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. – Mark Twain

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. – Oscar Wilde

If I had known what it would be like to have it all – I might have been willing to settle for less. – Lily Tomlin

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. – Oscar Wilde

Get the facts first. You can distort them later. – Mark Twain

In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane. – Oscar Wilde

Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits. – Mark Twain

I can resist everything except temptation. – Oscar Wilde

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. – Mark Twain

By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, journalism keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community. – Oscar Wilde

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times. – Mark Twain

A man can’t be too careful in the choice of his enemies. – Oscar Wilde

Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it. – Mark Twain

Sunday Quotes

Posted on November 21, 2010 by

A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents. – H. L. Mencken

After I’d preached a message on Sunday night, I’d print it up. – Tim LaHaye

Although it was in primitive times and differently called the Lord’s day or Sunday, yet it was never denominated the Sabbath; a name constantly appropriate to Saturday, or the Seventh day both by sacred and ecclesiastical writers. – Charles Buck

An American of the present day reading his Sunday newspaper in a state of lazy collapse is one of the most perfect symbols of the triumph of quantity over quality that the world has yet seen. – Irving Babbitt

And it is always Easter Sunday at the New York City Ballet. It is always coming back to life. Not even coming back to life – it lives in the constant present. – John Guare

Bjorn was a different breed, I threw my best material at him, but he would never smile, but that added to the charm when he played me and Mac. We were going nuts and losing our mind and he was sitting back like he was on a Sunday stroll. – Jimmy Connors

But I can’t wait to watch the Tonys this Sunday. I’m really glad Broadway is doing so well this year, especially with its straight plays. It’s been a wonderful year. – Gregory Harrison

But if I wasn’t playing, I would drink Saturdays, then Sunday, then Monday. Then I would try and train and it was no good, then have another drink just to pass the day away. – Paul Gascoigne

Do not let Sunday be taken from you If your soul has no Sunday, it becomes an orphan. – Albert Schweitzer

Do you know anything that in all its innocence is more humiliating than the funny pages of a Sunday newspaper in America? – Johan Huizinga

Everybody now seems to be talking about democracy. I don’t understand this. As I think of it, democracy isn’t like a Sunday suit to be brought out and worn only for parades. It’s the kind of a life a decent man leads, it’s something to live for and to die for. – Dalton Trumbo

Give a lift to a tomato, you expect her to be nice, don’t ya? After all, what kind of dames thumb rides, Sunday school teachers? – Martin Goldsmith

Golf may be played on Sunday, not being a game within the view of the law, but being a form of moral effort. – Stephen Leacock

I am excited about this. We’ve got half of our goal. I’d love to see us get a little bit more than half our goal and not be so deeply into this thing going into Sunday, but I feel good about everything. – Hal Sutton

I attended Sunday School and then church with my father and mother throughout my childhood. – Leverett Saltonstall

I came home every Friday afternoon, riding the six miles on the back of a big mule. I spent Saturday and Sunday washing and ironing and cooking for the children and went back to my country school on Sunday afternoon. – Ida B. Wells

I decided he’d changed so much that a whole new book was required and that book actually I can say so was the first to say that the marriage was in trouble and the Prince didn’t like at all and my book was being serialized in the Sunday Times over five weeks. – Anthony Holden

I don’t have an objective overview of Black Sunday. – Barbara Steele

I don’t read the Sunday papers; or the dailies, either. – Tom Holt

Lies Quotes

Posted on November 13, 2010November 13, 2010 by

Liars when they speak the truth are not believed. – Aristotle

Gradually I came to realize that people will more readily swallow lies than truth, as if the taste of lies was homey, appetizing: a habit. – Martha Gellhorn

Lying is like alcoholism. You are always recovering. – Steven Soderbergh

If you do not wish to be lied to, do not ask questions. If there were no questions, there would be no lies. – B. Traven

Never forget that a half truth is a whole lie. – Author Unknown

A lie can run around the world before the truth can get it’s boots on. – James Watt

If you wish to strengthen a lie, mix a little truth in with it. – Zohar

Lying increases the creative faculties, expands the ego, and lessens the frictions of social contacts. – Clare Booth Luce

Repetition does not transform a lie into a truth. – Franklin D. Roosevelt

Ambition drove many men to become false; to have one thought locked in the breast, another ready on the tongue. – Sallust

Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well. – Samuel Butler

Please don’t lie to me, unless you’re absolutely sure I’ll never find out the truth. – Ashleigh Brilliant

He who foretells the future lies, even if he tells the truth. – Arabian Proverb

Lies that build are better than truths that destroy. – Senegalese Proverb

Falsehood is invariably the child of fear in one form or another. – Aleister Crowley

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way. – Samuel Butler

The visionary lies to himself, the liar only to others. – Friedrich Nietzsche

All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it. – H. L. Mencken

It is always the best policy to speak the truth–unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar. – Jerome K. Jerome

A lie told often enough becomes the truth. – Lenin

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. – Mark Twain

Every violation of truth is not only a sort of suicide in the liar, but is a stab at the health of human society. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

If a lie is repeated often enough all the dumb jackasses in the world not only get to believe it, they even swear by it. – Billy Boy Franklin

The history of our race, and each individual’s experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal. – Mark Twain

Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. – Saki

Oh what a tangled web we weave,
When first we practise to deceive! – Sir Walter Scott

Truly, to tell lies is not honorable;
but when the truth entails tremendous ruin,
To speak dishonorably is pardonable. – Sophocles

A mind conscious of innocence laughs at the lies of rumor. – Latin Proverb

That’s not a lie, it’s a terminological inexactitude. Also, a tactical misrepresentation. – Alexander Haig

False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil. – Plato

A liar should have a good memory. – Quintilian

Liars need to have good memories. – Algernon Sidney

Funny Quotes

Posted on November 4, 2010 by

If at first you don’t succeed, failure may be your style. – Quentin Crisp

If God wanted us to bend over he’d put diamonds on the floor. – Joan Rivers

If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? – Lily Tomlin

If my films make one more person miserable, I’ll feel I have done my job. – Woody Allen

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library? – Lily Tomlin

If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three. – Laurence J. Peter

If you ask me anything I don’t know, I’m not going to answer. – Yogi Berra

In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first. – George Carlin

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. – Rita Rudner

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes. – Jay London

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate. – Dave Barry

It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. – H. L. Mencken

Let’s reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools – and use it on the teachers. – P. J. O’Rourke

Life is hard. After all, it kills you. – Katharine Hepburn

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. – Groucho Marx

Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative. – Henry A. Kissinger

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. – Woody Allen

Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him. – Marlene Dietrich

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing. – Emo Philips

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. – Mitch Hedberg